i really wonder how am i gonna survive this holiday.. it has only been one week and i am already dying of boredom...

bored... till i actually tried playing tennis, which was my first time playing it with nelson, mahathir, shaidah and aaron.. think i picked more balls than hit them..

bored... till i can walk around the house doing nothing..

bored... till i watched all the vcds that i have on hand and start watching them one by one... and i have finished them all..

bored... till i dug out the cross stitch that i gave up a couples of years ago.. only to find that i've lost the needle and the sewing needle i used as replacement has pricked me till i gave it up again..

bored... till i actually lay on my bed for 12 whole hours doing nothing but staring at the ceiling and the windchime...

bored... till memories start flowing into my mind.. making me so full of emotions for this first week of holidays... when i cry, it's not tears of sadness but joy, joy that things that are in my memory actually happens to me... so i'm practising the act of appreciating...

bored... till when the flat was shaking, i thought it was just my stupid headache, until the water in the bottle gave away... another earthquake.. getting nearer and nearer to singapore... if u realise...

the unpleasant feeling is still in me.. and it gets worse everytime i watch those love drama.. the furthest distance is not when both are far apart, but it is when u are just beside me and i can't tell u that i love you and miss you... this is wad i saw on the dramas i've watched, and i totally understand the meaning of the phrase...

disappointment in myself...

the last day of exams for me.. the worst day of the year so far..

wanna thank nelson and sha for being there for me when i need u guys, and thanks for the companionship that you guys and your friends gave me.. really appriciated it..

becos of study week, the friendship of me and a few friends got pulled apart.. hopefully we are able to get back soon..

this semester's study week can nv be compared to the last semester's one.. although the company is great, the feeling is different..

now, i dunno wad to feel.. the emptiness in me is overwhelming, so much so that i dunno how to handle it.. the truth is finally out.. the answer that i've always wanted to know is make known to me today.. it seems kinda expected but still, i'm kinda disappointed.. i have a feeling i'm plunging into depression again.. i'm trying not to.. i'm trying to smile more, laugh more, talk more.. but when the night has come, i'm all alone again, weeping in the dark all on my own.. the feeling seems inevitable.. i'm really tired.. i dun wanna think anymore.. but, saying is always easier than doing.. i'm a coward.. i'm a coward..

2 months for me to rearrange and readapt to my life.. all this is a misunderstanding.. a beautiful misunderstanding.. i'll nv regret the times i spent in TP..

i'm sorry to all.. but please. let me be in my own world for a while.. i need some time alone..

i'm losing grip..

it's coming to the end of the semester.. today is the last thursday of the semester.. feeling kinda sad that all this is coming to the end..

thinking back on the times we spent the first semester, the holidays, the second semester, and now, you are going on to year 2s.

it's a good thing that we are all moving.. but i'll definitely miss the times with everyone, esp the year 2s who are going on their SIP next semester, plus we will be at sentosa, this batch of people will just be confined to each other...

has been going out with yixiu, nelson and shaidah a few times these 2 weeks. be it a meal, accompanying them at the lab, those are the times that will really cherish the friendship i have with them. was feeling a little down tonight while playing pool with them. with the background songs and all, i guess i was trying to get this moment instilled in my memory, and make it a never fading one. tonight might be the last time we go out together this semester, enjoying ourselves, shooting ice at each other, making fun of each other, singing together.

one thing for sure, whenever i feel lonely or bored, i know that they are there for me.. not that others are not, but the comfortable feeling with them is stronger...

DnD will go on as usual, with the instalment plan for the Year 1s to help them with the financial part.. please do support.. have a lot of disappointment in people.. i really cannot understand why they feel that way, so if u know what i'm talking about, please enlighten me..

the belongingness in the family is not there anymore.. i try my best to leave the house early, come home late, so that i'll be able to avoid her.. i've been tolerating, and i believe that by avoiding her i can lead my own life peacefully, without much interference from her.. perhaps she's going thru menopause... i dunno.. wadeva it is, i'll just keep my mouth shut and hopefully, it will please her...

cheers.. =)

movies under the stars finally ended, with a nice flow of the event.. all thanks to all Ig members that co-operated with the MUTS team... thank u guys.. and thank god that the weather was super nice that night.. the stars were beautiful.. just right for a nice and romantic night...

was tired after that night, and had to get up super early for ALP with the IG on sat morning.. the program was great, with the kind of company i had, and the kind of trust that we had in each other, and the team work we posess to overcome the difficult obstacles... ironically, the teamwork, the trust we showed in ALP cannot be found in any event that we organise.. really disppointed in the attitude of people.. gosh.. but, i must say.. i really enjoyed myself alot doing the balancing thing, the raft thing, the seesaw thing.. despite having kicked by nelson, pulling the heavy nelson up from dunno how high.. but, i really enjoyed myself.. really... =) the feeling is there, always... for i'll nv forget the times we share as one in my life...

dnd is over.. cancel.. scraped.. wateva.. and i think things could end up in a better way than this.. once again, i'm disappointed that u are this kinda person, not hearing from others, but witnessing it myself makes me lose hope in you..

i'm currently taking things in my stride, hoping that things will turn out to be the way i hope it to be.. i'm beginning to learn to let go of things, but the mind says yes, the heart says no.. so.. how?

i understand that i'm a fool. and i must admit it, in this case, i really am one..

~ personality check ~

"You are Orange Sheep,

who is quiet sort, and is a touchable person.

But you possess feminine attraction as well.

This may seem like flirting to fellow women,

and may be misunderstood by men.

You are a sociable,

but tend to keep a distance from people,

and will not show your real emotions and feelings easily.

Although you are modest,

you are a proud person as well.

You don't apologize or yield to things.

You have great tactics to make others take in your demand,

without them realizing taht they are doing so.

You are extremely good at negotiating and bargaining.

You tend to feel isolated,

and in order to overcome that loneliness,

you have lots of interests.

You have sharp eyes,

and can make your ideals come true by effectively adopting other people's expectations.

Although you lack leadership sort of action,

you have perseverance to take up any challenge.

You can also use money efficiently,

and therefore you are a shrewd shopper.

You are good at catching the heart of men.

You will be liked by different type of people.

But this may give them false idea,

and cause misunderstanding.

Although you may take men lightly,

once married,

you will become a devoted wife and a mother."

http://noracom.net/eng/fortune/color_cheki1.php

so is it true? well, the BGR part is a little wrong though.. the rest.. up to u guys to judge le..

finally finally, MOVIES UNDER THE STARS is over. the MUTS team has gone through all the planning, organising, and i must say: it is a successful event. i really cannot thank xiuwen enough for pulling so many ppl to join this event, and i'm kinda disappointed that the ppl i call friends aren't there to support me, and it is not just one or two, but the majority of my 'friends'. they say this is a time i can know who are the people that really supports me and stand by me.. and now i know, i have less than 20 odd friends. sad right? i'm glad that i have yixiu, sha and fagan to guide me along the project, telling me and reminding me of the things that i have to do.. love u guys..

this week, i've been feeling feverish and having backaches all day long.. even today when dealing with MUTS.. gosh, i think i'm falling sick soon... currently having a super major headache..

feeling super high and happy today.. finished CS test, econs portfolio, MUTS ended well, and i just love the atmosphere at the amphitheatre.. it's just so nice, that i can just imagine me in different scenes that i've always been dreaming of... the stars were nice, and when i looked at it, how i wish one of those stars will be mine...

thank you so much, i really appreciate the little moves that you did.. thanks for everything, thank you.