he left le... this morning.. and it was raining... had a last min date with yixiu yesterday night... suddenly felt i need to talk so asked her out.. had a nice talk over pasta mania and talk until butt pain... (cos we were sitting on the super hard thing)..

things going through my mind again.. as i'm waiting for my meeting to start... more than half of IG has invaded lab 9!!!

i am here!!!!!!!!!!!!!! y u go out with xiu xiu nv ask me go?!?!??!!? bOO* -i am jealous liao- zibistar...

sly and avril are here too.... hui yi got two super stars with her.. OMG! haha going for some performance at biz park.. see ya.. sly: *wink wink* with that super cute smile...
___________________________________________________________________

just got back from meeting in school.. planning to go MIA soon.. but i'm glad that xiuwen got a project of her own to prove herself.. and crystal and mich got the project that they wanted.. very happy for everyone who got a project on hand and looking forward to making their project a success, and very happy for ICs who have just finished their project successfully.. all the best to all...

although the feeling of dejected and disappointed, but nevertheless, these are the feelings that has always been around in my life so not surprising to feel this way.. i did something i've nv done before in my whole life, and i'm feeling the way i am that i've nv experienced before in my whole life.. it's all rushing to me in such a short time, all at one time, i'm a bit lost as to how to handle my feelings..

school work is fine for me so far.. it's just the other commitments that i really put my heart and soul into it.. things are just not turning out to be how i expected it to be.. i've already accepted fate, this is the way it is, nothing can be changed and this is it.

finally, after close to 2 months, the HE is finally responding to me again.. but only when i behave in a way that i myself dun even understand why...

am i thinking too much? or am i not thinking? i seem to be doubting every single thing i do and action that i make.. i want to do things, but confidence is not coming my way..

seriously, there's no point in ppl looking out for me cos in the first place, it's not worth it. that's it. i'm trying to change. and for goodness sake, give me time. i'll try, and i'm trying. dun push me too hard. i'll collapse, and who knows? maybe right in front of you..

after lesson at 5, rush to 1st level, got onto dad's car, drove home, waited for rain to be less heavy, reached home by 530, and got scolded for not going to the salon to blow my hair before coming up. need to change to formal, put on makeup, tidy up, and we left at 555. if i got salon and come up do u tihnk we'd even leave my 555? i think 666 also cannoy leave yet.. ass...

reach the studio, the old man took so long to get everything settled.. and she kept messing my hair.. and still say"keep it natural". ass.. and the stupid old man wants me to stand in a super super awkward position and still say that i'm not natural.. i AM not natural, and i told him off "i dun wanna stand like that". ass.. super irritating.. made us smile for more than 5 never-ending mins and then still say we were not smiling.. and even use the kiddy toy to make us smile.. childish..

feeling so sick.. with fever and cold and cough.. and no one at home believes.. ass.. still haven finish POM 2nd topic.. and my project research.. hope the sickness will go away by tml.. still wanna enjoy the last days of 2004...

P.S. one good thing about today is that i took pic with daddy!! =) love ya loads..

dad's back!!! miss him so much man.. but when i came home he's sleeping on the sofa.. feel heart pain for him.. work so hard, plus the torture of not having his family with him in indo..

it's the christmas season, but i just dun feel it. went to k box today with crystal.. and she left the room quite a few times to make phone calls, leaving me alone in the room with the songs that mostly made me seriously run through the lyrics word by word and making relate the songs to every possible things that has happened to me.. and it kinda makes me feel sad.. some of the songs that i sang really tallies well with what i'm feel at this point of time... is it the age?

my house if full of antiques, i can now set up a stall and prepare for an auction to take place... amazing how these things can be found after so many years so much have been found.. but not so sure if there real or not in the first place... but if it is... hehe..

words from people are making me think twice about things, or, a thing.. and everybody is saying the same thing.. but.. i can't make up my mind... memories fade, so do friendship if not sustained.. is that what's happening now? i'm lost..

merry christmas to all who have the christmas mood in them.
to all who doesn't, good night.

packed. that's the word to describe my life now.. packed with IG events, with work at waraku, with project meetings, with IG meetings, with my homework, with everything. you name it, that's it.

christmas is around the corner and as usual, the christmasy atmosphere is not getting into me.. every year since sec 2 my christmas is spent alone working. before that, it's christmas alone at home while everyone is out. sucky. guess this year is another lonely christmas.. damn, i hate the thought of it.. but.. i'm getting so used to it that i might forget christmas on the years to come.. gosh.. that's scary..

going through POM notes.. 'wad's your mission statement? wad's your goal?' i've been thinking about it.. but no ans to the qns...

almost every night if i get to sleep, i'll have the same dream all the time, and that is someone jumping down a building.. vision was blur.. couldn't see the person's face, but the person was wearing my TKGS green uniform... green and the red(blood).. does it matches well for christmas?? sucks.

hey.. i'm currently blogging at a place that i maybe should call my 2nd home... yap.. guess the place for yourself man.. got limited time to blog this but before this was super tiring for me.. spent the earlier part of the night preparing the candy canes for next week's giving session.. and we came out with the thinking that we'd have graduated from the diploma of candy canes LOM(logistics management)... haha.. so pro at tying candy canes to cards that i have the record of tying two in one minute... pro right...

haha.. now i'm currently on my major project with xiuwen.. that's called 'mission possible'.. and it's realy possible co although i lost my ez-link card that's suppose to bring me around the 'world'.. i still manage to survive...yeah!! our project wil officially end tml night so... good luck to us in completing our mission!!!!yeah!!!

candy cane project can be considered a super success.. exceeded our target by a lot... din get any cards or candy canes for anyone cos i thought that it's a sad phase of my life at this point of time and i wouldn't want to pass the sadness to the people around me... so.. i'll be burying myself in work on christmas eve and christmas the whole day..

had a so called 'thrashing' session with some of the IG members yesterday and today.. was really glad to be able to voice out what's in my mind.. and i got to noe how the people think of me in terms of first impression... somehow i feel that i am not performing as well as i expected myself to perform in the IG so far..

really felt very attached to IG all of a sudden after the orientation and the candy cane project.. i mean... i was nv close to nelson and sha.. and after these projects, i can actually talk to nelson about almost anything under the sun and i can even open up to the sha that i once dun dare to talk to... seriously grateful for these group of people that made a difference in my life.. throughout the whole week, i was suppose to be on booth duty only on wed from 4-6pm.. but almost everyday.. i'll come down when the booth opens and stays till the booth closes.. and even in btw lessons, i'll go straight down to the booth w/o having my lunch or at the expense of not having lunch with my classmates... and everytime i'm at the booth.. i feel at home.. i feel super comfortable with the people around me.. i feel like i have a family in school that i can turn to.. and i'm seriously thankful that i'm in the IG.. things happen, conflicts occur.. but i believe we are still a big family..

was quite shocked when i noe that ppl's first impression of me was actually i din had sleep for almost a week or so... haha.. or that i looked shagged.. and also being pessimistic.. that i seriously can't help.. i mean.. it's due to the environment... it's seriously hard to change.. and i think that it's getting worse... i can't seem to clique with any group.. or i can't seem to fit into any group.. i feel left out if the topic is not to my knowledge.. and i'll be lost in my own world.. and that's the sad thing: being a loner when there are ppl around me actually...

HTB orientation is over.. good and bad things happened.. wun wanna go into the details.. but i had fun dancing, walking in the rain (with nelson).. took shelter from the rain under the bridge (with nelson), interacting with some of the students and of course, the activities planned for the finale. here, i wanna thank all the mentors and IG members for all that you've done for this event.. think i haven been doing my job as a mentor Ic, but in the first place i dun even know my own role as that.. so i'm actually nothing.

felt really sucky about things so decided not to go home and went ktv with crystal after the event.. we were really tired, but i guess singing is a source of stress relief for the both of us.. although we were worn out and our voice were cracky.. it din bother us at all.. and my cocktail was super strong then until now i haven gotten over the hangover from it yet... crystal's cocktail taste nicer and more diluted so i guess she's feeling better than me..

worked from 12-10 today.. 2 hrs break was trying to do some of my tutorial and caught some sleep in one of the rooms in the restaurant.. =) i wun mind renting the room from my manager to stay there forever man.. the place has all that i need.. a lamp, a table, a power point... cushion.. wad more can i ask for man...

actually wad i want is very simple.. but sometimes it just seem so hard to achieve... i do things wholeheartedly.. i take things seriously.. i do my best to produce the best.. but things that i do are oftne not appreciated.. life itself is making me lose hope in life..

+ INVADER ALERT+

this is yixiu blogging from the comfort of the lab in school... hee... =>

+INVADER ALERT+

This is Karin who have absolutely nothing to do. I think. Wait, I think I have nothing to do. Hmm... anyway, Jovi is craaaaaaaazzzzzzyyyyyyyyyy... Nelson has been absolutely crappy, and i apologise for yanking your hair. oops. Shaidah is being hardwOrking, Not her usual self i see. hahaha. hmm, but at least she is making less noise than Nelson. Hahahaha.. ok i better run off.

+INVADER EVACUATES+


haha.. yap, my blog got invaded by the two lovely and sweet senior and friend of mine.. after i met the both of you guys, life was nv the same for me again.. got a date with my senior nxt thursday.. yeah.. looking forward to it man..

tuesday night was great.. spent it with this TK best friend.. this is the friend that really touched me.. she was those ah lian kind at the beginning of sec 3.. but i wanted to change her.. i wanted her to change her attitude to life and pushed her thru the promos exam and true enough, she passed and was promoted to sec 4. she has been writing letters to me since then telling me how much i've changed her life and how grateful she is to me.. throughout the whole yr she's been trying to meet me.. but only on tuesday did i manage to find time to meet her... love ya..

i stayed in sch till 11 plus yesterday (wed) after the meeting waiting for what, i dunno. details to it, i won't wanna talk about it on my blog. i'll just make me puke all the blood in my body and rot all the flesh on my body till i'm left with bones. think till now my blood is still boiling like mad.. wth.. to do is wrong, not to do is wrong. can God just tell me what am i suppose to do??! this whole shit thing is so discouraging to me that i feel like quitting CYA now, as in now on the spot now.. dun think i'll ever volunteer things now as willingly as i used to last time.. but as i said, sp far i've nv regreted all the decision that i made in TP and with my conscious clear, i shall bear all the blame and misunderstanding ppl have towards me and all. afterall, it's not gonna make much diff even if i spent my saliva explaining things.. just treat it as me trying to be KAYPOH.. happy?? ass..

things has really changed.. dad's not around, sis is travelling around, i dun have time to talk to bro or i should say he doesn't have the interest to listen to wat i wanna say.. bout her, i think i'm giving up.. i dun want to care about her anymore.. she can stay out for as long as she wants, she can dun bother about this family and go enjoy herself till the wee hours.. i dun care.. niwae i've already treat this place as a hostel.. so wad's the diff..

so much has happened within such a short period of time.. and this proves that time flies really fast... and i'm really thankful that i have a bunch of friends around me supporting me...

to liza: you'll always be the bestest of the best friends i have in TP..

to kai, maisie and linda: though the time we noe each other is short, but the support you guys have been giving me has way surpassed wad i expected and made me really touched.. i nv thought that anyone would be there with me while i had my meeting at the airport.. i nv thought that anyone would even bother to sms me to ask about the situation... really, guys, thanx so much so much..

many has been commenting that i've slimmed down.. my boss, marc, my pri sch friend, my TK best friend, my aunties, my cousins... i haven been on a diet, just that.. circumstances made me lose weight in one way another... wadeva.. i'm still... wadeva.. one thing's for sure: nv say life is good, cos when u say that, it'll not be good anymore..

later today i'll be starting the first lesson, first day of the 2nd sem of my 1st year in TP.. in a flash of light, TB050 and i had gone thru lots, esp. my group members and all the laughter and tears we shed together.. next sem, we'll all be in different classes.. but i believe that that would not be the factor that will bring our friendship apart.. i'll will still be the huiyi and jovi that you guys once know.. and i will still be there to listen to your problems and to share your joy with you..

had been busy with CYA admin work and my own job.. beginning to love my job more... althought internal conflicts are rising but, i just love the family there.. the whole time i'm there, i'm lost in my world of satisfaction that i get from the customers i served.. i forget all my troubles and i would be happy to do anything.. even if it is to wash the toilet or be a dishwasher and get myself all wet... plus, we got a new set of newly designed uniform, which makes us look more professional, but the material is not comfortable.. well, there's always a good and bad side to everything, including life.. i'll still continue to work during the weekdays and weekends even after school starts and hopefully God will be there to guide me and show me the light out of the dark world that i am or might have been in before.. GOD IS WONDERFUL, BECOS HIS NAME IS WONDERFUL.. thank God for all that has happened..

ever heard of the song "i hate myself for loving you"?? well, for me, i hate myself for everything.. i'm feeling so tired... both physically and mentally...

"Welcome To My Life"
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

this song is exactly what i'm trying to convey and what i'm going through now... everytime, i'm telling u.. everytime she calls, the first thing that she always says always dampen my mood.. when i called her today, i wanted to tell her that i got interviewed by the straits times.. i wanted to share my happiness with her... but the first thing she said was why i called only then... everytime, i feel like crying after the call from her... or even when she's there to fetch me home.. the moment i got onto the car.. even before i had the chance to say anything, she start to scold me about how long she's been waiting.. this has been happening EVERYDAY... since my holidays.. i tried to change things... i tried to ask her out for shopping.. i tried to pull us closer again.. but it's not working... she's not making time for me... why can't she understand??

i wanna leave this sad place.. i wanna get away from this place that's making me cry all the time... i tried to talk to him, but he's always not willing to listen to my problems... almost every night.. i try to talk to him.. but he always give me the can't be bothered attitude.. why?? everyone seems to be busy with their own things.. why am i the only one with nothing to do, with loads of time to cry over everything?? i'm still bothered by the fact that i'm not able to go to jay chou's concert.. i thought by going i can at least cheer myself up and have something to look forward to... but.. too bad... god just doesn't wanna give me this chance... it's my life.. wad more can i say... i'm tired... really tired...

he went back to indo le... wad can i say.. CGH's nurses have no manners at all... how can scold that old patient when they didn't tighten the urine bag... how can they scold him for not being able to make it for the appointment that they scheduled for him without even asking if he is free... spoil my whole impression of CGH...

fell sick on fri.. vomit + runs... tried to keep myself occupied these few days... on monday, went out with this yr 2 gal that i met during the 1st day of orientation.. when she surveyed me... then became friends... today, went out with liza!!! the feeling is just so nice... being able to just have a company.. had so much to fill each other in about that we don't know where to start.. went to visit alison and siok at work... even though there may be so quiet moments between us, it's just nice to know that although it's quiet, there's someone there for you... thanx liza... u made my day..

read my tagboard just now... thanx ming.. din know u actually read my blog too.. =) from my blog, i've come to realise that although no one seems to give a damn about what has been happening to me, but, there are ppl that actually bother to read my post and express their concerns thru tagboard... so i wanna take this opportunity to thank all those that has tagged at my tagboard.. and giving me the encouragement and courage to go on.. letting me know that i'm not all alone afterall... allowing me to feel the warmth that's around me... thanks.

i'm feeling so confused.. i should have known.. he looked so uncomfortable yesterday.. he said he got headache... no wonder he came home early yesterday... he wasn't feeling well, but he still gotta try to smile to her friends.. still gotta fetch us around..

seeing him lay on the hospital bed, my heart just melted.. i couldn't even say much before i even broke down.. but of course not in front of him.. i hide.. hide my tears away from him.. for close to 5 mins.. i can't keep my tears from flowing... why.. what has happened to the strong and fit him that has always been in my heart..

dancing with the IG members and the mentors today is the happiest moment i have throughout this whole holidays... it's really nice to have so many people around me... even though we are not close and all.. even though i still feel lonely most of the time...

at this moment, i dun feel like doing anything.. dun feel like asking for anything.. all i ask for is for him to get well soon... i want him to be the same him a few years ago... i want him the way he was when he brought be to malaysia.. when he brought me to swim... i want to have a meal with my family.. that's all i'm asking for now... nvm if i dun have nice clothes.. nvm if i dun have money.. nvm if i dun get to have materialistic things... i just want to have friends and my family with me... that's all... is it too much to ask for??

thanx sis, for offering to help to get jay chou concert tix.. but now, i'm still in a confused state of mind, whether to save th emoney for other uses or for this cos if i really go, i'll be going alone.. damn.. so shit.. really wanna go, got the chance but have doubts about going... wth...

colleague sylvia treat me to ajisen yesterday.. nice lady... went to support siok at her ice-cream shop too..

something is bothering me.. but, it's so hard to say anything... is it a phase of life that i have to go through? loneliness is the word.. i guess...

went to look for my ex-colleague at OG albert yesterday during my 3 hr break from work.. so nice to see linda again... she asked me about the jay chou concert.. the whole story is.. this guy A said he wanted to treat me to his concert. cannot trust him so when linda told me, i was kinda shocked and happy that i can finally go... then he sms me and ask me still got tix available for sale or not.. only not long ago.. so kinda disappointed.. i missed the one in 2003.. looks like i'm gonna miss this one too... sad.. nvm.. it's my life.. wad can i say...

yesterday was the first time i work full day at waraku.. from 12-3, 6-11.. business was slow.. not like today, so many big families come with lots of children... and was only me and mayumi... woah... tiring man... boring day.. nv got to eat dinner at some nice place with dad... hope tml or tuesday or at least before he leaves we'll get to sit down together as a family and not get that hope 'smashed' by mom's new hobby... damn...

gonna go help shawn design the layout of his sim 2 family.. tata... oh.. the guy is a business tychoon and the gal is a mayor of simcity.. haha... and she gets to work on a helicopter... cool...

went swimming with jen peng on tuesday... we talked a lot about ourselves... and stayed in the pool for 2 hrs... saw the ppl at the fun camp... great to see you again girl..

my daddy came back yesterday... eyes were watery when i saw him in the transit... had the urge to tell him all that has happened to me when he's not around.. but something pulled me back.. thought we would go for a meal at some restaurant or something.. but ma got to go for her singing lessons... then tonight i got work.. so no time for dinner... nv really got a chance to talk to him...

went to sch for cya briefing before going to the airport to get my dad... met alvin c before going up together.. got to know more bout his work and the things he has been doing.. really nice to know how are my friends getting along...

thought today we would go and have breakfast together as a family again.. but no... nothing i expect is happening... went to work today and saw michelle!!! she came with her family to waraku.. thanx so much dear.. thought i'll not be in the mood to be smiley.. so asked to be stationed at the pantry... gosh.. u can't imagine how i felt when i saw a familiar face.. it was just so... nice.. so.. nice..

yesterday i had a lot of my first time with crystal at PS, after going to sch to slack...

first time:
taking 518 straight from sch to PS
eating mee hoon kueh
watching movie at PS
watching a cartoon movie ( shark tale )
playing the piano game at the arcade
having starbucks at PS
having ice latte

yap.. am i sua gu or wad?? i realise that i haven been shopping and catching up with the lastest fashion after window shopping at PS... glad to be able to catch up with crystal though... thanx babe.. really would like more of this kinda catching up with other friends... ppl out there.. dun be shy to call me anytime and ask me out ya?? i'll definitely find time for every single one of u.. =)

going swimming later again, this time with jen peng... yes, my sun burn not yet fully recovered... but who cares... finally get to swim with jen peng.. had been wanting to swim with her since the last day of exams, but... hmm, nvm..

yeah!! my daddy finally coming home tml!! took the day off from work and pushed away all 'appointments' with my friends just for him... intend to go and wait for him at the airport tml... ma says he'll be very happy to see us there... miss u so...

as days are nearing sch reopen... there's a feeling of excitement at the same time fear in me...

went to watch princess diaries 2 with shawn today.. kinda funny, nice show.. papa postponed the date to return back to singapore, again... next wednesday then can come back... sad... delay and delay..

kinda looking forward to monday.. where i'll be able to see my friends again... at least it's better than being cooped up at home... the medicine is taking effect... affecting my work and alertness..

the 'blush' on my cheeks are peeling... yuck...

wad a day... feeling sick the whole day... already felt feverish in the middle of the night and true enough, temperature was 38.4.. plus throat got problem... sigh.. plus now my face got natural blush.. which is actually the sun burn i got from yesterday's swim.. bored is the word... how i wish school can start as soon as possible.. so that i can make more friends and wun feel like i'm all alone in this world... so that i'll be kept busy and wun have time to think about other things.. now i've to think wad i'm gonna do tml.. staying at home sucks... beginning to have claustrophobia after staying at home for so long and for so many days, so many hours...

somehow.. this period of time seems to be the lowest point of my life.. term was short so din get to interact with my classmates that much, plus holidays is so long.. no close friends or even friends to hang out with.. finding a friend to watch movie or just to have a coffee seem like the most difficult task to deal with currently..

thought of the day: when has things ever go my way??

life sucks... always... for me.... when are things ever gonna change?? when am i gonna be free from the clutches of her... i feel pulled back... i can't do what i wanna do.. i have no abilities... i have nothing... i'm lost.. lost in my own world.. all alone... in my own world...

where's everyone when i need someone..

the trip was.. boring on the first few days.. took the bus all the way from singapore to ipoh (almost 9 hrs) then they had the dinner at their house at night... at it was raining like as though a storm was about to occur... damn scary.. and their relatives were from all over malaysia and flooded the whole house... shawn and i made the right choice by staying in the room.. (we stayed over at their place for the trip) yap.. and we fell asleep at about 9 plus.. which was damn early... think we were tired from so much sleeping the the bus in the day... haha.. boring day...

day two (sat): the day yee sim got married... woke up at 6 plus to accompany her as the makeup artist puts on make up for her and do her hair.. pretty... was thinking about how i'd like my wedding to be like at that moment... =) then went to change and awaited the arrival of the groom... as usual, the house was flooded.. really flooded with ppl... everything was moving so slowly... the groom arrived at around 10 and they dilly dally doing i-dunno-what until about 12 plus before they proceed on to the groom's place... dilly dally around again and we eventually got to eat at 2 plus... maybe the malaysians are used to the slow pace living in contrast to the singapore's everything-fast-fast lifestyle.. shawn and i ended up walking back to the house before it rained again... went out to have supper (lok lok) at 9 plus and then got back at 11 plus and played cards... boring...

day 3(sun): woke up really early in the morning to do wad?? to drive to the other end of ipoh to eat dim sum... hmm... after dim sum.. drove to another place and sat down just to drink coffee..one big grp of 13 ppl sat down, just to drink coffee and deprive other from having a place to eat their breakfast.. felt a bit wierd having so many ppl looking at us drink coffee... but their coffee was really nice... after coffee, we went to i-dunno-who house to pluck rambutan.. haha... i was just standing at a side laughing at ppl who got hit by the rambutan that fell from the trees... the locals climb high up into the trees to pluck them... power... we got one whole big big bag of rambutan.. pluck and go.. poor trees... next, to the newly-wed's new house... nice... very modern.. the price of their house (semi-d) is the price of a 3 room flat in singapore... so cheap lor... slacked around before the ladies went to the salon to do our hair before we went to the restaurant for the wedding dinner... first time in my life, i witness a wedding dinner that actually started on time.. (almost) time stated:7pm. time started: 715pm. wow... singaporeans... shame shame... and it ended by 10pm... cool... early, compared to singapore it's early man... i helped to count the angbao money they got and paid the restaurant in cash.. (the restaurant insist to be paid in cash) .. which adds up to be around 13000 plus on the female's side.. interesting day...

got matchmade my my mom and the host to their son... forcing me to stand next to him everytime we take pics and making me sit in his car whenever we go out... hmm... my mom says she wun stop until i get myself a boyfriend... wad is the world coming to? must everyone be paired?? wadever it is, the feeling of being cared is always good... =)

yet another sick and tired day... perhaps i'm not used to working till late at night... thought papa would be back in time for the trip to ipoh... now that's he's not going.. i really dun feel like going too... it would be great if i could just be at home all alone.. it'll give me a chance to think through things.. tml leaving for ipoh... somehow the feeling is different from the previous trips made with my family... without sch, without activities, without friends to keep my company, the empty feeling in me is emerging...

dear sis, i feel bad, not being able to be there for your first flight upon being air stewardess.. i want to let u know that where ever u are, i'll always to pray for ur well-being.. hope u'll have a good start in your career.. all the best!!

as for me......

yet another day of me feeling puky and all... got up early in the morning for wad i dunno... but was still late in meeting mich at bedok mac.. hhaha.. talked about so much things man... always have this peaceful feeling when talking to mich.. (you go girl!!) Ig meeting, lunch (no appetitte), then learnt the dance from karin, nelson and sha.. had lots of fun dancing with mich and all.. esp the mini fingers part... haha.. damn funny.. and the dance steps we try to imitate... haha...

work was relaxing... there wasn't a lot of customers and learnt how to make chuhai (alcoholic drink) and serve ice cream!!! got to eat green tea ice cream and drink one whole big mug of apple flavoured chuhai!! haha... feeling a bit high now... =) waraku's big boss came to dine at our restaurant there was not enough staff.. so was asked to serve him and his family... he's a jap and a really nice person... i couldn't pick up the dish from the tray and my hands were shaking (for what reason i dunno) and he said to be no need to be scared of him and just take my time... then ask if i'm new and all... and we started chatting!!! haha... he asked bout my age, and where i schooling and stuff.. haha.. first time talked to the big boss after so many company i've worked for... tml suppose to be my off day... but last minute short of manpower... so, i'm working tml... good and bad... good: i like the environment there.. bad: i'm damn tired... I MISS MY DADDY!!!

qn for tonight: should i or should i not...

gosh.. something wierd is happening to my body... when swimming yesterday before going to work.. already din feel well while swimming... so only swam like 14 laps?? sigh... bathe also bathe damn slowly... like very hard to move my hands and legs liddat... working worse still.. my manager said i wasn't alert enough on sunday.. but lucky still pass the probation period.. my colleague, hui wen, intro my to this job at this cake shop where she's working also... pay is lower, but at least i can still earn money during my free time..

today, almost couldn't get out of bed... my head was pounding like mad.. very bad headache.. din do anything except watching television and helping with the housework.. went to buy tickets for the bus ride to ipoh and then went to fetch shawn from sch.. (dun be too sad ya??) off to juncton 8 to see see look look.. and saw xie yun yi and 'xiao xin'!! haha.. think they are together.. or izzit they are together and i dunno??!! wadeva.. then suddenly felt really sick.. stomach felt bloated even though i din eat anything.. called huiwen and asked if she's available to take my place for tonight's work but too bad she's not... so no choice, i went to work.. was quite quiet today, so lucky for me, i dun have to run and walk about so much... well, the less walking din help.. cos ultimately i still pucked... *yuck* pucking din make me feel any better... which i thought it's suppose to.. today only got 3 service staff... one incharge of the rooms, another, the pantry and me? the outside area which is the biggest... gotta sweep the place, mop, clean the tables, set the tables, top up things... blah.. blah... was really feeling fainty.. lucky my colleague nice enough to offer me hot milo.. felt a little better... but not now... =( so, going to sleep now.. prepare for tml's meeting... dun wanna fall asleep during meeting.. haha...

My gosh… so many things happening in such a short time.. Ig retreat, end semester trip, and yesterday, I started my new job at waraku jap restaurant.. from the last day of exams till now, I’ve thought through bout lots of things... thoughts aside, let me now run through the things that has been happening to and around me…

IG retreat(13/10-15-10): blur as usual, met crystal at pasir ris mrt control station instead of the supposed tampines one… and by the time we got to tampines ntuc, gavin and avril have already done most of the shopping for the games le… =P avril’s mom fetched us to the chalet (thanx auntie!!) and we started to clean up the place and prepare the bombs for the games… then came nick, boon and chris and some of them played cards and slacked while waiting for the time to meet the main comm to come… until now, I still dunno why ppl laugh at things that I dun think is funny and why ppl dun find the things that I’m laughing about funny… haha.. din sleep on the first night.. followed mich back to her house to get vcd and bought some stuff at cold storage… I’ve somehow became nick’s boss and I was so excited when we took a merc cab back to the chalet.. haha… u should have seen nick’s face man… it was like as if his boss take merc, with a chauffeur back to the chalet… haha.. damn funny… wasn’t really involved in the games, except to explain some of the games’ rules and take pics… other than that, I was busy clearing up the mess in the bbq area and the kitchen, as well as making sure that everyone are not deprived of drinking water… haha.. after the games mich helped me to clean up the inside part of the chalet… =) love u mich!!! *muack!!* haha.. felt so auntiefied man.. haha… bbq was great.. but a call spoilt my mood for the whole night… woke up early in the morning on Friday for the interview for the mentors… was in the same room as nelson and we were both dozing off… haha…

K box session(15/10): rushed from sch to suntec.. haha.. went straight into the room to look for mich, van and ailing… haha.. seemed like I was at 5566, fir, jay chou and cyndi’s concert… haha… sing until damn dramatic.. had so much fun man.. although my voice was like dying because of the amt of chilli I ate the night before, it din hinder me much!! =) went to buy kelvin’s birthday present and makan at raffles’ city.. =)

Kelvin’s birthday(16/10): thought I’d be late.. but who noes, ailing happened to be on the same train as me!! Haha.. went to find her on the train.. then walked to one fullerton after meeting van at raffles place mrt… =) the food was nice.. I love the atmosphere there man.. so nice.. think I can stay there the whole night… and I drank 11 glasses of ice tea!! Haha… the water just kept refilling my glass so… =P took the bus back with ailing after crossing the big bridge and struggling to maintain my poise while bearing the pain in my feet… haha…

End semester trip(18/10-21/10): the day started off with the blur me again.. haha.. left the house at 650am.. but reached kranji only at 835am, which was 5 mins late.. why? Cos I blur blur took the wrong train from bedok to pasir ris, then back.. and stopped back at bedok (I dunno why I did that..) and then took the next train to jurong east.. was planning to stop at city hall.. but as usual, I just watch myself pass that station.. haha… ya.. and I was late.. haha.. took public transport to get to Malaysia.. haha.. first time though… then I think the tour guide cast some sleeping spell on everyone cos once we got onto the bus and when he started talking, everyone fell asleep almost immediately.. haha… we had dinner with most of the yr 2s on the first night.. then shopping at the store and this billion place.. haha.. to the beach on the 2nd day and got a funny tan even though I din intend to sun tan.. haha.. shopping was boring as I was on a tight budget and din intend to get anything in the first place.. so I was just walking around blindly.. haha.. most of my money was spent on food.. haha.. there’s really a lot of of thing to say.. but hard to get every detail in my blog.. =) but one thing for sure that I can remember and must mention is the experience of eating Kenny roger on the bus.. haha.. it was our last meal on Malaysia and we were rushing for time.. so we ‘da bao’ it.. haha.. the bus was so jerky and every one has two lunch box each.. and just imagine everyone trying to eat the chicken using a spoon (the only thing that they gave to eat with) and also the side dishes.. it’s just damn funny.. even as I’m typing this I’m laughing.. haha… well, this trip allows me to get away from the hectic life in Singapore, my family, work and allows me to think about a lot of things… =)

Job at jap restaurant(22/10&23/10): work started at 600pm.. learn to set the tables, how to speak simple jap like welcome and please… the staff there are all very friendly.. there’s mika who is a pure jap lady.. very nice person.. and there’s this Myanmar girl also.. very nice.. they gave me this very warm welcome feeling.. and I see the way they greet the customers and serve them, it somehow made me admire the japanese’s lifestyle.. all so nice and friendly.. majority of the customers were jap and it’s a very refreshing experience to me.. I think the staff there are so used to speaking jap and Chinese that when they speak I can’t really figure out if it’s Chinese or jap… haha.. seemed like mix to me.. haha.. today the big boss or waraku came to dine at our restaurant.. he’s a jap and seem young to be a boss.. but can tell that he’s a very nice person.. he was dining with one of his friends in one of the rooms.. then I was allocated to be in charge of the rooms for today.. and everytime I went in to refill their tea or to serve them their food they’ll smile at me thanking me each time I serve them.. the feeling is just indescribable.. =) and this restaurant is like when they hit their target amt for the day, all part timers will have a 10bucks ‘angbao’ which will be included in the pay… and so far it has been a good start cos for the two days I’ve worked, I got 10 bucks ‘angbao’ each!! =) but at times it tough.. esp kneeling and standing while serving in the rooms.. and the stupid apron is like so in the way.. and I din noe that there’s actually a hole beneath the table and I almost slipped into it as my knee slide in.. haha.. lucky the food was already on the table and I manage to stabilize myself.. if not ah, really paiseh… haha… then when clearing the tables, sometimes the tray can be so heavy that my hands start shaking when carry them.. time for me to go train my arm muscles..!! the kitchen staff so nice, made sushi and the egg thing for me to eat… haha….well, regardless of the cuts I got and the pain I got from carrying the heavy stuff, I look forward to every day’s work.. =) and today’s homework is to read and try to remember the menu… my manager made me bring home the menu.. and she said I have to put on make up cos I look really pale… =( dun like make up… well.. upcoming activities will be update.. soon… =)

reached school at 930 for a meeting with leigh and karin for the mentoring stuff.. kinda fresh to me.. as this is my first time coming up with qns for an interview.. =) briefing for the end sem trip was kinda short.. the briefing was kinda short.. got lunch and bubble tea for ailing mich and van before going to mich's house to watch zjzd.. almost got lost.. i actually walked passed the road that says 'limau walk'.. i saw it.. and looked and it and say it out... but.. i blur blur din turn in and just walked straight.. then it was so damn hot.. then this taxi driver saw and ask me to get onto his cab and find the place from a directory.. haha.. damn funny.. then like amazing race, i direct he turn.. and the road actually turn out to be just one lane down from where we were... so stupid.. then after we finally got the place, he said no need to pay.. so nice right?? when i was young and got lost a taxi driver also stopped by and gave me a lift home.. =) mich says i got affinity with taxis... haha.. spent the whole afternoon at her house 'nua'ing.. well, a sharing session was held too.. =P din have a hard time persuading my mom to let me stayover at the chalet.. hmm.. she really change a lot.. so now, i'm looking forward to it!! (hmm...) yixiu, i'll go cycling with u.. =) the feeling in my heart is still tangled.. though things has been easier to handle and all.. but still.. well, wish me luck..

went for the secong interview for the jap company at tanjong pagar this afternoon... they talked about their product which is bio mag stuff like pillows, comforter and sleeping materials... saying that those are things products with magnet in them which helps to circulate the blood by creating movement in the ions in our body.. some chim chim stuff.. but sounds interesting... they have this booklet of articles and testimonials regarding health and their product.. saying that it's a good way to braek into the market.. as s'pore is now focusing on the health industry.. well.. guess how much is one comforter for single bed... it's $1890!!! crazy... and the mr michael kept asking me if i would buy if i'm in my 40s.. can i say no?? so dumb.. ask me to go back tml for training.. at 4pm.. for 10 hrs!!! then wad time i go home man.. crazy... then went to singapore post's cdc to try for the aircraft cleaner job.. 3-11pm.. $30 bucks only.. so.. out.. then went to katong to try for a job as a waitress at a jap restaurant.. din noe where the place was.. so walked from katong shopping centre all the way down.. and then finally found the place... not that difficult to find but, just blur lah.. the place is not bad.. the setting of the place... it's only open from 11am to 3pm for lunch and 6pm to 11pm for dinner... so when i went it was closed.. the person was quite nice to me.. even offered me a drink before a filled in the application form.. and then.. i got the job!!! nice pay.. good hours.. (at night).. and i'm starting work on the 22nd of oct.. after my end sem trip!! yeah!! but for now, trying to find a morning job to make use of the time i have... fast food maybe?? or maybe cheers.. =) at night... had dinner with my ex-classmate at the coffeshop near my house then helped her with her econs.. felt really good to be able to catch up the old times with her.. and also know what's she's doing now.. =) miss 4e9..

It’s a sat night.. since exams are over, let’s not talk about them anymore… had a long Thursday night trying to finish studying my econs and also write letters for all 25 dearest classmates of mine..was feeling damn emotional while writing the letters.. thinking about our separation… really had a wonderful time with TB050.. u guys rox… was kinda touched when ppl hugged me after reading the letter.. some even before reading the letter… was really sad that I couldn’t enjoy myself with them after the exams, as I had to rush to suntec to work for hell…
and when I say hell, it’s really hell… stood and walk around the area from 12-3 plus.. 10 mins break for lunch.. (which is not enough) then walk around again.. 10 mins break for dinner.. and start walking around again.. it’s not just walking around… we have to return the unwanted clothes that customers try onto the racks and back to the correct rack.. tough job.. in total I stood for 10 hrs.. cos makan also must stand.. no place to sit.. hell job.. lucky mich and van came to find me.. it really helped in brightening up my day and making me feel less tired… thanx man.. luv u guys… but in the end I still quit the job… 2 of another part timers also cannot take it and quit… think they’ll have a hard time finding ppl who would wanna stand for 10 hrs non-stop…
went for a haircut at chapter 2 today.. I love my hairstyle now!! so light and easy to manage… =) that’s cos it’s too thin and short to tie.. and.. I dun have to tie it all the time like last time, when I’ll look crazy if I dun tie my hair.. so.. full marks for wendy the hair stylist!!! After that had a lonely lunch and then went to tanjong pagar for this interview for a jap company..
that company is weird and kinda amazing.. I went up, filled in the application form, then before they even interview me, the person (joe) brought me around and show me the different departments of the company.. and guess what? The youngest manager of the company is only 18.. and the oldest is 36.. the director that interviewed me (mr Michael) is 21yrs old!!! I was like.. wow… then during the interview, the director told me that their company is trying to sort of break the market.. cos they are dealing with life sciences.. and want to let people noe that young people can also do things.. something liddat… and the admin director of the company is 26 and he owns a fararri!!! Wow.. really amazing… and I noticed that mr michael’s long sleeve shirt actually has his name sewn on the cuff!!! Like the shirt is specially made for him… and he doesn’t speak like a 21… more like 40 plus businessman.. except the parts where he spoke singlish.. or hokkien.. trying to explain to me why their company moving their opening hours to a later time.. (cos they dun wanna squeeze during peak hours..) ya.. after that the joe ask me out for a drink then on the way we saw the fararri… bright red.. nice…
went to find ma at parkway.. then saw meizhi and georgina!! Walked pass this jap restaurant and saw that they were looking for crews.. so I just went to give it a try.. will get back to me by mon or tues.. hmm… hope can get a permanent part time job.. siok says that banquet at fullerton is not bad.. flexible and can work whenever u want.. so it’s good… think I’ll give it a try also… =)

intro h&t is over... i was so blur today... late le still slowly walk in.. smile smile at people.. sit down le dun even noe that it has started.. still happily look around.. then, i realise that the person sitting next to me has already written a whole chuck of things on her paper, then, i realise that the exam has started.. stupid me.. though i noe how to ans most of the qns, i can only remember bits and pieces of the points.. =( and then dunno when.. my mind just went blank.. stoned for a while before trying to complete the damn paper... what's happening man.. so dumb.. it's not like i din study for the paper.. although there are times where i slack.. but i still got study... went to stayover at michelle's house on sat to study... we lame about, then went to study.. sat night study until 4 plus.. i think... was suppose to stay up through the night.. but seems like i really cannot take it anymore.. woke up at 9 and mug again... sigh.. what a life... but still, i dun regret coming to poly.. thanx to all my friends from tp, life was never better, trust me.. =) went for an interview for a job at suntec.. it's only for one week.. 77 hrs, 450 bucks.. seems like a nice offer.. but long hours.. everyday from 11am to 10pm.. starting from friday.. but exams finish at 11am on friday.. so gotta rush there and get there by 12pm.. then weekends gotta make up for it and work until 10.30pm... break time: 20 mins for lunch, 20 mins for dinner.. thought i will miss the IG retreat.. but boon kiat called to ask if i can make it on wed to fri... well, i can always go on thursday after my work..!! haha.. cool... thought i'll miss a fun time with the IG.. =) after the IG retreat, end semester trip.. then rest for one week before going to ipoh for a wedding... hmm... busy october... want to interview for job for teh month of nov.. but think all employers will think that it's kinda early for interview... when i come back from ipoh, either i stick to my current job.. or find another.. which i think i'll choose the latter... went to look at specs just now.. saw this cheap and not bad looking one... =) think it's time to get a new pair?? haha... vision getting blurr niwae.. save money first then say... =)

had the movies under the stars on friday.. the dark clouds were threatening us before the show.. and then it drizzled, so everyone had to move to the lt for the 1st movie "50 first dates". went to sat at the amphitheatre with xiu wen in the rain.. caught a bit of cold.. then went back to the lt.. watch a bit.. dunno what's going on.. went out.. ate cup noodles.. move everything back to the amphitheatre after the sky was cleared.. watched love actually.. had a good laugh...
BCS excel test.. got 14.5/15.. first time get so high.. but, it's just a stupid test.. so what's the point.. worked at OG people's park on sat and sun... was sooo boring... lucky on sunday glen and melvin came down and find me.. was so touched by that.. came down to have lunch with me.. so nice to have known them.. hardly ever get to meet friends like them..
'nua' at the sports complex before going for the interview for the changi youth ambassador.. in grps of 6... think i did okie.. hope can be a CYA.. read a testimonial that wanshi wrote to me.. she actually remembers me.. i actually made an impact in her life.. when i read that testimonial, i cried.. i nv expect people to remember me after i leave TKGS.. i nv expect people to remember a small huiyi that was once in 4e9, in the choir... din study much...
met mich and van at the airport to study today.. moved from mac to BK.. nice to have friends like that.. to be able to study together.. and chat about anything under the sun.. just realise that.. hey, i've got friends after all... everytime i daze when studying, it's because i want to remember that very moment.. when we were sitting where we were, just enjoying each other's presence.. was worried if i was extra.. just like in pri sch.. then chat in msn.. they wanted me to go sch do something.. so joked up some excuses to not make me go their house.. then, realise that, this same incident actually happened before in pri 6.. me being pushed around by people whom i dunno whether to call friends or not.. the unwanted feeling came back.. and that incident cause me to change.. really change.. it's not about the decision made, it's about how i make the decision.. it's tough.. really tough.. was kinda crying like at.. 1 plus in the middle of the night?? stupid me.. no wonder people dun like me.. cos i'm a stupid gal.. literally.. i'm trying to change.. trying to.. and hopefully i did.. god, bless all of whom i call friends.. bless my family.. bless me.. cos.. i'm sneezing again... this song playing goes out to all my TB050 friends, esp alvin lau, alvin chai, grace, jen peng, alison, liza, jelena.. u guys really made me feel important.. although it might be tough at times.. i manage to pull through.. with the help of u guys.. thanx so much... nv thought that we'd have gone through so much in just 3+ months.. also.. not forgetting my IG friends.. karin, avril, crystal, gavin, michelle and yi xiu.. thanx for being there.. last but not least, van, u are one special one.. grateful to all that has made a difference in my life.. thank you all.. thank you..

Remember Me This Way

Every now and then
we find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found
I know you can't stay
But a part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
For ever more a part of me you're everywhere
I'll always care

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side in all you do
And I won't ever leave as long as you believe
You just believe...

CHorus:I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
And if you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

have been so busy to blog these days.. shall i start from thursday?.. ok.. here goes..

thursday: had comm skills test... was okie.. but din manage to finish the paper... cos din have calculator.. so was trying to remember my maths formulas and all... chiong bcs and travel geog before going home for dinner.. dad came back today!!! was pinning for him to return for so long already... dad, i love u!! although we're not close at all.. but still... i love you!!!

friday: met in the morning to rush to finish up econs portfolio.. got asked about the article that i din do.. wah.. lucky alvin chai explained to me bout it just before the q&a session.. if not ah... die.. lol.. went to lab 8 to print my excel project.. then travel geog.. was waiting for liza to finish her peer appraisal and ffb test.. then gavin and friends came into our lab to print his excel project.. he was kinda frustrated, cos it's past the submission time le then he still cannot print after running to so many labs.. in the end michelle and i manage to print out for him...

sat: IVP track and field championship.. was the time keeper... was definitely a better and easier job than being a position judge.. reached school at 7am.. did project till 11am.. IVP till 7pm.. went to ma's friend house till 10 plus.. woah.. tired like siao man.. then was trying to do the justification for the ala carte menu on the bus.. zzz...

sunday: terry fox run!!! woke up at 4 plus.. but actually din really sleep... was piaing ffb all the night.. then reached habourfront at 6.... zzzz... was so tired.. got pushed by so many runners as they chiong to run.. lucky michelle was there to pull me out.. =) then din noe where to go after our duty.. followed yi xiu and gavin out of sentosa.. then decided to go back to palawan beach to look for alvin and gang.. but waited for one and half hour they still not there... then nvm... saw jasmine and leigh.. took the monorail.. then send leigh off.. then took monorail again to cable car station and took cable car with jasmine to harbourfront...took mrt and went to the airport... only at night then i start to pia ffb again... din sleep again... =(

monday: went for intro lec in the morning then tmtpt... jackie ong gave sweet!! haha.. she says it is to thank us for our participation... after that is chiong ffb all the way again... was in the lab all the while with gavin's group.. mark gave some tips on the presentation to both grps.. and was kinda stressed up by the whole marketing grp... stayed till around 10... tired... din sleep... again!!!

tuesday: a kanchiong spider day for me... got scolded by ma early in the morning for what also i dunno.. spoil my whole day.. comm skills meeting.. econs lec.. bcs.. and then chiong!!! everyone left earlier.. at nine plus... but at night i was really piaing like xiao.. my whole bed, table floor was full of books and papers.. pia... till nv sleep... *shag*

wed: the big day!! every gal in my group wore a pink spagetti strip inside.. and YQ wore pink shirt with red tie.. not bad looking as a whole for our grp's presentation.. met at 8... then did visual.. speech and last min stuff.. got praised by alvin tan for our dress code.. and visuals.. after that made announcement on the CYA, end sem trip and movies under the star... then took class and grp pic with alvin tan... then before i can remind the class to get the forms from me and all, all left... i felt so helpless... not being able to catch the class's attention and being rushed to hand up the forms... dunno what happen to me... left the room to cool down, then got pulled back by liza.. somehow something triggered.. and i finally broke down.. din know what was happening to me.. i just kept crying... *sorry if i scared u all guys..* thanks to lovers grp, i manage to get the names of those who are interested in the activities and also the money.. thanx guys.. luv u all... did com skills after that then changed into casual for IG tea reception... had a great talk with mr alvin tan, mr ram, mr low, ms ivy tan, ms jackie and some other lecturers.. they were really funny... making fun of each other.. the lecturers i mean... had a great dinner and chit chat session with michelle and gavin.. then took a bus home with michelle... although the major project is over.. i seem to already got used to not sleeping... that i lay on my bed from 1.. but only manage to sleep at 3...

thursday: today got no lesson.. but went to sch still to study and also to do com skills... alvin was also with allie and i studying in the library... well.. happy birthday allie!! feeling happy today... thank you......

was rushing about like xiao on monday... had ffb meeting in the morning.. then tmtpt test (which is screwed), then intro lec, ffb meeting, sub com meeting, IG meeting.. din have time to rest and all.. was kinda shagg.. but lucky got go opp sch to have dinner.. if not i dun think i would be eating that night...

econs lec, made publicity on the end sem trip and the CYA thing... but doesn't seem to have much of a response... the mr seah doesn't know hoe to operate the projector, neither do i.. so, depending on my memory, i just verbally publicize about the end sem trip.. sigh.. bcs, then made my way down to lucky plaza to exchange ma's desktop charger for a earphone for crystal.. din noe what to exchange for at first, but crystal was kind enough to want to buy the earphone from me for 20 bucks.. although a loss, at least not a great loss... crystal, you're the best!!! took a bus back to tampines to meet crystal.. was suppose to shop for something.. but couldn't get anything nice.. in the end empty handed home.. but nevertheless, with a heavy stomach.. crystal's friend, crystal and i went to billy bombers to have dinner... the food there damn ex.. but the serving was damn huge... couldn't finish... felt so bad... cos her friend treat us to the meal, which adds up to be 70 bucks!!! wow... couldn't believe it man... out of 3 pieces of fish.. i only manage to finish one and a half of it.. sigh.. nice setting of the restaurant though... =)

was kinda hyper today.. came to sch at 9.. met cyn at 10.. did ffb project till 2.. we went down to look for liza after the meeting... then got kinda hyper.. that i ran up 5 fifth level.. with HJ chasing me... dunno for what also.. crazy... made a call before comm skills.. while panting like xiao.. haha.. rushed to tampines safra for an interview for a job at sakura.. pay starts at 4.50.. now considering whether to take the job or not if i got through the interview... it's kinda low... well.. think bout this another time.. worse come to worse find another job lor... met benny to get from him the sample menu and menu planning book.. then passed gavin the card before making my way home.. was really tired.. although i was got onto the bus for less than 5 mins, i was dozing off already... just finished my peer appraisal.. still got online reflection to do!!! argh!! and haven study for comm skills yet... shit lah.. so many things to do!!! but.. life is beautiful...

things are changing and moving real fast.. i'm back to where i started, metro paragon.. the people there still recognises me.. and treats me so much better than the og ppl, plus, the music is nicer.. went to sch for the business sports day.. suppose to cheer for the htm ppl.. but only boon and xiuwen turned up.. crystal and gavin were the participants.. but long jump was cancelled last min.. so gavin sort of came from the west all the way to sch for nothing.. feeling kinda unfair for him.. then he, boon, mark and another guy got pulled to join the 4*100m race.. but in the end dunno what happened, all get into the finals without competing... quite stupid.. then the thing to mark the start of the race was so soft that some runners start late cos they can't hear.. kinda stupid... this is so far the worst sports day that i've ever attended... went for lunch with boon and gavin.. then took a train with gavin to paragon for work while he went home.. really nice to be back at paragon.. my clique is working there too.. din expect to see her.. went for break together with her bf.. was really envious at the both of them.. from the time he was just a close friend of hers.. to a loving bf of hers.. and she tells me that she's been with him for the longest period of time in a her relationship.. is this the time where people become more mature and think more about their life? although i was standing at my counter alone throughout the whole afternoon and night.. something in my heart was telling me that i was nv alone.. that something is very strong.. that kept me smiling the whole day.. even when i doze off on the bus.. saw my friend.. she said i was smiling in my sleep.. did i dream of things that i forsee that kept me smiling even in my sleep..? haha.. think only u and i will noe the ans...

why do i feel so weak recently...??

Tuesday: went for econs in the morning.. then went out with shawn in the afternoon... beginning to feel that, life is not so bad afterall.. there are people actually caring for me..

Wednesday: really tired.. went for IVP track and field.. the 2 events were the 10km run for men and 3km run for women. i was suppose to report to all runners that no. of round they have left. and the person helping me to take down the position is an old man.. in the end, i told the wrong thing to one of the runners, and he sort of shouted at me.. was kinda fed up with the old man then decided to forget it. i joined siok and cyn at the gallery. that runner then suddenly came up to me and say sorry for shouting at me just now.. felt really guilty.. i mean i was in the wrong.. giving him the wrong info.. but he came and apologise for shouting at me instead.. God has finally answered my prayers.. but whether or not this is the right time, no one can be sure of it.. but i certainly hope that things will turn out well.. for so long.. the feeling is finally coming back...

Thursday: was really chionging like crazy.. rick called me and asked me to go back for oga for one more week.. later he called again to say no need.. cos wagon kept already.. sigh.. think it's time for me to get another job.. had dinner at suntec with linda, joey and benny.. before meeting them, the singer grp ENERGY hi five with me.. haha... i was just standing there.. being a kaypo.. then it all just happened.. had a great dinner with linda and gang.. realised that i haven touched BCS and haven done my intro reflection.. and by the time i settled down.. 12 plus one.. did my intro first.. then did some other work.. thank you for staying up till so late with me.. i dunno what to say to thank u for all that u've done for me.. in the end.. slept at 4 plus.. had a nice dream...

Friday: had to wake up early for ffb lec.. sch was in a blackout in the morning.. but everything in the LT is working, except for the aircon.. it was quite hot in te Lt.. and while watching the video on food contamination.. i think i slept after watching the first part of the video.. then din have the heart or attention to listen during econs.. we were released early.. then went to the library to study with jelena.. had some women talk.. and then got ready for TG.. do.. do.. do.. until we forgot about the tmtpt.. and in the end we handed in the tmtpt slides after 7 plus.. so stupid... hopefully ms jackie wouldn't minus marks for it.. during the BCS test.. was actually observing the people around me.. how they look when they're serious.. when they're thinking.. and i made me wonder if people will ever notice me.. after the test.. dunno what dot into me.. i fell at my head hit the armrest of the chair.. so pain.. my right knee also got injured by the armrest.. that's one.. then after meeting.. rick called again.. asking me to station at metro paragon for this weekend.. dunno if i should go for the sports day.. really wanna work full tml to earn back my money.. but i want to give my support to people who care.. so decided to sacrifice my working time to cheer for htm.. as long as i'm at metro before 6.. i think it'll be alright.. left my bus pass in the 69 bus.. then called tampines interchange to ask them to help me lookout for it.. went to have a bite at mac before going up to grandma's. sat for a while, then made my way to the tampines interchange to get back my card.. when i reach there, still have to wait for a while before getting back my belongings.. but the time everything is settled and done, i reached home at around 10 plus.. suppose to feel a load of my shoulder.. but still feel that there's a lot of things pushing me down.. but now i know.. there'll always be someone supporting me... standing by me..

what's wrong with me today?? woke up with a killing headache.. had online discussion for tmtpt at home.. then met sarah and crystal at tm mac for lunch.. had a good chit chat before rushing to sch for project.. for some reason or another, i was the only stupid one waiting for everybody at the secret garden when everyone else was in the library.. and i stupidly waited from 230 to 330.. idiot right? din called them to ask as liza said she might be late.. then YQ also.. and i remember that i did mention about meeting at secret garden.. then going into the lab at a later part of the meeting.. then only cyn appeared.. if she hadn't called the rest.. i think it'll just be cyn and i.. so stupid.. feel so shit.. and irritated.. and quite pissed.. dunno why.. sort of dread going for meeting nowadays.. is it just me?? hope things will change... left meeting early for IG meeting.. is in the games comm for the IG retreat with gavin, avril and crystal... i like the combi.. lolx.. everyone at the IG meeting said i looked pale and tired and shagged... the killing headache was still around even in the evening... almost fell on the stairs on the LT while doing my duty.. twice... boon, crystal, gavin, avril and others were like asking if i was ok and stuff.. was really touched by their concern.. think no one has ever treated me with such care and concern.. making sure that i dun fall, or miss my steps, or even stepping in the puddle of water.. making sure that i'm ok almost every 15 mins... was so touched that i actually teared in the bus, thinking about the day.. was quite blur bout everything they talked about... maybe it's my headache.. it's like pounding in my head... went for dinner opp sch with sarah, crystal, boon, avril, karin, leigh, gavin, and fagan joining us at a later time.. it was such a heart warming dinner.. everyone sitting together.. all making sure that i can reach my food.. it's like a big family.. so nice... love blossomed.. (all the best!!) almost got into a car accident.. was crossing the road when i was horned by a car.. which i din even notice.. the road was clear.. dunno where did the car appear from also.. close shave..

REFLECTION
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day It's as if I play a part
Now I see If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be Free to fly
That burns with a need to know The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

updates on the week..
wednesday: ivp road race championship... went as event official again, with cynthia and siok.. and got touched by 53 guys and 38 gals.. haha.. cos i was the postion judge, which was suppose to give the no. tags to them when they come back... and my right hand was scratched.. pulled.. tagged.. and polluted with 91 different sweat... lolx.. siok and cyn kept avoiding touching my hand.. but in the end still can't run away from it.. haha..
thursday: realised that tmtpt dateline is pushed back to next friday.. so a heavy load of my back.. dun have to rush for it.. then went to watch liza practise for track till 9 plus.. nice wind.. i like the atmosphere there.. perhaps i'll study there at night one of these days.. so soothing.. so relaxing.. so refreshing.. saw my pri sch friend, jeremy, and he asked for my no, using samuel as an excuse.. stupid..
friday: grace, JP and alvin lau went to ecp.. i'm so envious.. not jealous.. just envious.. envious of them being able to enjoy themselves.. while i'm pulled back.. that i cannot relax.. that i keep worrying about things.. that my life sucks.. got no travel geog.. so waited for the IG investiture to start from 3-5... reflected bout my life during that period of time.. what's happening? i'm sinking into a depression state.. a state where i feel no drive in my life.. a state where i'm back to where i started.. investiture was bad.. the HTMIG sub-com had no seats to sit for all.. only 7 seats available.. all of them wanted to leave.. only i wanted to stay.. then the rest stayed becos of me.. felt so bad.. i wanted to watch the main com get their cert.. i wanted to be there for them.. but i indirectly made the whole sub-com joined me.. sort of unwillingly.. shit me.. went for dinner with some of the HTMIG ppl and shaun chong.. cliqued quite well with yixiu.. laughing all the way throughout the whole night.. laughing at every small details... like i said during the HTMIG interview... i laugh out loud to relieve stress.. but when i laughed yesterday.. i was actually laughing at myself.. for trying so hard to fit into everything.. trying to make everyone like me.. trying to make everything work out well.. trying... had dinner at tampines BK and took a bus home with shaun..
sat: work.. trying to make myself busy all the time.. running in and out of the storeroom.. doing everything that i can do.. trying to not get any chance for me to stop and think about anything... i need life... God, save me..

had a long meeting with the IG today... niwae, went to work at aunt's shop from 1-6pm for 35 bucks yesterday... and got a t shirt and a pair of socks for free!! qutie a good bargain.. after work she fetched me to nus to pick my cousin up.. she just returned from japan and she looked really jap now... we went to holland v to shop and the ppl around us were like looking at her all the time.. had a chit chat session with her.. and din realise that actually she not that unfriendly afterall... we had quite a lot to talk about... and it's good.. i came home and told my sis bout what i did that day, and also told her bout my cousin.. for the first time my heart wasn't beating so fast while talking to her.. i felt that it was normal friend friend talk... great.. think god answered my prayer... thank God.. did tmtpt quiz today... just passed lor.. shit stuff... but i think i'm not gonna let this affect my mood for the day... cos i was actually looking forward and in fact quite excited bout IG meeting... it's like only twice a month... and there's a lot of events coming up... sat in btw fagan and karin... was kinda stressed.. but it was ok after a whiel... had dinner with leigh, yixiu and karin... then after meeting went home with fagan.. suppose to end at 8.45.. but in the end dragged until 9.30... then saw grace's grp... they finished htm, and it's stressing me out... but i'm just gonna not get bothered by them.. at least we are 11/12 way through our travel geog.. and i feel so proud of it... one down... great... gonna be publicizing the sports day events for the BSC thing tml during econs lec with boon kiat... kinda excited.. first time talk in front of so many ppl... God, give me courage... i'm learning to be more optimistic now... God, guide me... pray that things turn out well tml...

very tired.. just came back from the ivp track and field competition as an event official... participated with jen peng and alvin lau.. was really new to everything.. like what the 'backstage' crew are suppose to do when there's a race.. my duty today is to be a position judge.. which is to be in charge of taking down the position of the runners.. seeing who comes in first, second and so on... but due to lack of manpower... we had to multitask... like after recording the position, we had to arrange the hurdles for the next event.. and move the hurdles away.. and then move back again.. and tell u, they are heavy.. other than that, we had to carry cartons of mineral waters from the store room to the top of the gallery.. then down again.. in all, we were running up and down.. and i think we ran more rounds than the runners did.. and it seemed like jen peng, alvin and i were the ones that did the most coolie job.. but we had fun.. looking that the runners run.. cheering for the runners.. and complaining about my clothes... cos i wore a red shorts.. then the t-shirt was also red... so i was like an hongbao.. walking and running about on the track... while having dinner.. i saw this student reading a test paper... and i was reminded of my econs paper again... my mood fell again... while shopping with jen peng and alvin... had fun today.. but econs is still stuck in my head... and i think i'm really stupid... boss called.. said OG supervisor complained bout all the part-timers from my company.. saying that we are all not committed to our job.. so i sort of got barred from OG.. shit.. there goes my monthly allowance.. but lucky boss was kind enough to help me arrange for me to station at other counters.. most prob is parkway's isetan... but it'll only be confirmed next week.. but tml i'll still be working... at my aunt's sportslink shop.. she said from 11-10... 5 per hour... so i'll just go and help out.. since i can't afford to lose this chance to earn money... so bloody broke now.. if i lose this job.. i really have to eat grass already.. shit.. life sucks.. nothing is going well.. my job, my studies, my life!! oh god, are u forgetting me..??

shit... i'm so disappointed in myself.. i studied so hard for the econs test... but i din do well at all... i seriously din't expect myself to get this kinda mark... shit me... i'm just the stupid stupid kind... that no matter how hard i try.. i wun succeed.. fck.. when one is down on luck.. nothing goes right.. i was just so stunned by my marks that i din talk for the rest of the lesson... and it got worse after knowing both alvin's marks.. i'm really stupid.. think alvin is right, gals are dumb.. specifically me.. din really get to enjoy myself for ccn also... went to help out at the HTMIG stall.. we were selling cookies, brownies and mocktails... the mocktail was really nice lor... i was sort of jasmine's assistant, helping her while she was busy shaking the mocktail.. helped out from 1 to 5.. wasn't really in the right mood to promote our products.. but busy was quite good.. and i dunno why.. my hands were shaking thru-out the whole thing... was kinda scared.. when i was pouring a syrup into the drink then jasmine said my hands were shaking.. din realise it myself.. but overall business was good.. had dinner with them.. force myself to laugh.. to be involved in their conversation.. felt kinda not myself... shit... Lady luck is out of my life... it's all me and myself now... wth..

the feeling of being left out is always not good.. is it bcos i'm too anti-social.. or is it bcos i'm just so irritating to some people? why are my friends drifting away from me? why are my family members drifting away from me? why am i such a loner? the medicine keeps making me drowsy.. that i'm not able to pay attention to what the lecturer is talking about.. i think i just spoilt the mood of everyone during field trip today.. i just felt tired.. so tired that i din feel like talking... that's all.. i tried to smile.. but my muscles are too stiff.. is it because i was cold.. or was it because of other factor? intro to h&t is moving.. i need to really push myself more to do the rest of the projects.. it's lagging... just like my brain.. so laggy that i only realise i left my pencilcase in the com skill room when i reach the airport.. stupid me.. when liza 'scolded' me for not smiling all the time, i wanted to cry.. i was born this way.. this world is so contridicting.. i was born with a frown face.. u guys ask me to relax.. so i relax.. but when i relax, i can't smile.. cos u need ur muscles to smile.. when i dun smile, u guys say i dun smile. wat am i to do? can someone pls tell me? it's tiring to smile.. even if it's just 5 mins... shit.. why am i crying.. at 2.33am in the morning? my eyes are so puffy.. i can't see the words on the screen properly.. just ended a chat session with my sis's bf.. something about the conversation triggered me off... it just got into me and my tears just kept flowing like running water.. and my nose got blocked further.. that i can't even breathe... for a moment i thought god is answering my prayers to my nick.. "what if i die now...i think i'll be happier.." i think i've just used up 2 packets of tissue.. shit.. come to think of it.. i haven had a decent meal with any of my family members for a long time... wth.. i think i've been very forgiving recently... i dun have either the heart or energy to scold my brother.. and i even got him bubble tea.. cookies.. lollipop.. i learn not to push the blame to others.. so i'm swallowing whatever that people dun wanna take... i'm tired.. really.. really.. tired...

sick... sick... sick... from sat until now.. and it has been getting from bad to worse... sneezing all the time.. coughing... feel feverish... then when i sneeze i feel like my throat is coming out if my mouth... so painful!!! blocked nose all the way from sat till today.. wth... but i went to see the doctor just now.. at the 24hr clinic after went shopping with liza... the doctor said i got throat infection.. and it was quite bad... so bad that he could feel a lump of dunno what on my neck.. but lucky he say will subside... we din really went shopping ah.. just went to OG to get my parcel.. then window-shop the store.. then made our way to the bugis junction to get ice-kachang!!! then saw tay ping hui filming some dunno-wat show at the food court.. he's actually not bad looking in person... went to buy the beard papa for my dear sister and brother... then we went to try on adidas swimsuit... haha.. quite an experience.. it doesn't look nice on me... so... niwae.. i accompanied liza to chapter 2 to cut her hair.. i thought she looked great.. but she kept complaining bout her looking stupid and stuff.. wth.. liza, remember what i told u just now ah... lolx... received a sunflower from alvin lau.. thanx for the note and the flower... it really helped to brighten up my day and gave me a lot of courage to move on in life... things hasn't really been going smooth for me.. but i'm really trying to do my best to cope with it with a smile still on my face.. thanx for trusting me... just ate my medicine... got 5 kinds.. including one that has to suck.. so bloody bitter.. like my life... sigh.. no choice... i had to go through the bitter part to reach the sweet part of life... and it cost me 38 bucks... i'm going to be so broke... wth... hope that things in sch can go well.. and hope that things at home can go well too...

things are not going my way today... waited for 20 mins for a pathetic no. 9 bus.. then when we reach sch.. both grace and i just entered the lift and pressed 4th level.. and the both of us.. yes.. the both of us din realise that we were having ffb lec first... then we came out at the 4th level.. and we almost entered the male toilet.. thanx to the cleaning sign.. if not... lolx.. meeting atmosphere was kinda weird... and we din noe what to do or post during the online discussion.. stayback in sch to type the ffb report.. and my bus broke down on my way home.. and i missed my interview... but lucky my sister and brother is kind enough to record the interview for me.. we got interviewed for so long.. i spoke so much... but only i think the most 5 sentences came out on air.. so stupid... but who cares... i can't really be bothered with stuff like that animore.. had the comm skills presentation yesterday.. was kinda worried if i can do it cos i did the preparation only on wed night.. but lucky.. i did quite ok.. and i got compliments from liza and sylvie saying that i did well.. felt good bout it.. thanx guys.. hope that u guys will score too... dad went to indonesia again yesterday.. and this time he's going for another 3 weeks... hell at home again.. i'm trying to bear and understand my mom.. but unfortunately i can't.. i dunno wat kind of friends she's hanging out with.. ask her she just say friend.. she starts smoking.. wth.. what's happening.. she's going away to genting next monday till thursday.. with her 'friends'. suddenly.. my home is not as cosy as it was before.. *come home soon dad..*

the interview was... not as nice as i expect it to be.. the presenter ask a qn.. and she kept making me ans the way she wants it to be.. and i din get to say whatever that i prepared... and her qns really made ms tan panic.. furthermore, course manager came to sit in.. more pressure on her.. his presence din really have much effect on me.. just kinda disappointed at the way the interview was carried out... rushed for HTMIG meeting after the interview.. that i din get to eat dinner... was staring the whole night.. the meeting was great... was quite serious at first.. with all the rules and regulations.. but after a while when we get to the discussion of the activities.. things start to loosen up abit.. avril and i are going to be helping out at the HTMIG cart on CCN day.. they're selling mocktails and cookie... and.. there's this end of year orientation for the freshies of the tourism academy.. it's suppose to be 2 mentors to 5 freshies... and i am the overall in charge for the mentors... kinda stress.. to have such a big responsibility so soon.. being the IC for the mentors meaning they'll look for me if they met up with any probs for the next two yrs in their time in the tourism academy... they are also planning for the HTMIG end semester trip.. most prob to malaysia.. the destination is not confirmed yet.. but i bet it'll be super fun.. there's really a lot of activities and projects coming up for us.. so can't wait for the coming events... wore the skirt that i bought from OG today... everybody keeps saying i look different in skirt and stuff.. but thanx for the compliments ppl.. spent 12bucks to wash and blow dry my hair at the sch's salon.. din do it for anything.. but just wanted to try out the service of the salon and just ahppen to choose today.. the service was not too bad.. the massage was good.. and the lady is very nice.. she keeps smiling at me... feel good today...looking forward to the broadcasting of the interview on friday...

went through the trial interview with alvin by ms choi and ms ivy tan in the staff office today... it was quite funny.. to hear alvin talk in chinese for so long.. and also weird to talk to lecturers in chinese.. lucky it's pre-recorded.. if not i think we'll just stumble over our words and not know what to say.. today's mood is down.. dunno what's got into me also... feeling high at the wrong time.. and feeling low all the time.. wth.. wake up huiyi!! what's wrong?? everything seems to be going wrong for me... shitty shit.. working tml.. at night.. wed having the interview recording in sch.. then gotta rush for HTMIG meeting.. and the interview is for 95.8fm.. on friday.. dunno the time yet.. going to get the 'script' for the interview ready... if not later loss for words... life sucks..

stayed over at costa sands resort yesterday night with liza.. we went to the park and just relax ourselves there.. in the chalet, we did our projects and talked for a while before sleeping.. was kinda tired.. and so we woke up at 8.. had breakfast and changed for a swim at the pool!! (what an experience for liza!! lolx..) the water was cold and the lifeguard was so.. hmm.. we rushed home and quickly got changed for the hotel inspection at regent... met up with jenpeng before making our way to city hall to meet up with everyone.. was kinda fed up with the class as no one respond to me when i said something.. so i just say what i wanted to say and left first with jenpeng.. when i called the bus driver, he was kinda irritated that we were not there when he made his first round to the place we were suppose to board the bus.. so i called grace to rush the class.. din want this to dampen my mood for the day so i just take it easy.. felt good when people came up to me and thank me for chartering the bus.. din think that a small act like this could actually made an impact on anyone.. got to see the behind-the-scene of a hotel at regent and also got to see the different suites.. really was an eye-opener for me as this is the first time i get to enter a local hotel room and also see the executive suite.. thought that what the GM of regent hotel said was really meaningful.. we have to be able to bear humiliations to succeed.. ms choi called me as we were making our way into the hotel.. she asked me and alvin chai to represent the htm for this interview with the press.. it is to be done by a radio station.. not really sure of the station.. but will keep u guys updated... lolx.. she said she looked at my report book and thinks i'll be able to handle this.. feels great to have someone looking so highly of me.. nv thought myself to be important to anyone.. this is like a once in a lifetime thing.. so i'm quite excited bout it.. wish me luck ppl!!went for singing sessions with alvin and and shini and cindy(decided to go at the very last min) after the hotel inspection.. wendy also came along.. had a really great time singing.. haven enjoyed myself so much for a long time already... a great way to relief stress.. and alvin and i sing duets very well k.. dun play play... lolx.. we sang from 7 till around 1230.. (cindy and shini left early).. was really high at some points.. that we stand on the seats to sing.. lolx.. then paiseh when the person came in with drinks.. took cab home with alvin and wendy... thanx for making my day guys...

went for a swim with jen peng in the morning today.. both of us were late.. lolx.. we swam from the swallowess end to the deepest end, which is 4m. then we saw two guys who were tanned and trained and handsome entering the pool to swim.. we watched them swim for a while before deciding to leave for our grp meetings. when we were about to leave, i took out my googles when i was still in the pool, and one of my earrings dropped into the pool! jen peng and i dunno how to dive down, so we just looked into the pool 4m down from the surface of the water.. then, when i was still underwater looking for it, i heard one of the guys asking "do u need help?" i laughed in the water and almost got choked by the water... i was so damn embarassed!! then we told them what we were looking for and they helped us looked for the earring by diving down... jen peng and i just kept laughing cos we were like helplessly floating on the surface while they were the ones doing the job of finding the earring.. lolx.. i told them to forget it, but they say they are here to swim so it's ok.. then i was like... u noe.. lolx.. then in the end we think we are too late for meeting.. so we told them that we need to leave.. then if they can find, good, if not then nvm... then after we left the pool, i was just wondering how they are going to return me the earring if they really found it.. haha.. meeting with liza and allie, then rushed to bugis for work.. had to carry cartons and cartons of goods.. till my backache problem comes back.. and my butt banged into the edge of the wagon.. now got blueblack.. haha.. went for supper with niccholas, linda and her husband at bedok blk 85.. so FULL....

what a tiring day.. the people shopping at OG today is so much more than the people shopping yesterday.. and wth.. they just see see look look and no buy buy... sigh.. atrium was worse than yesterday.. i can just stand at a side and watch people turning the whole wagon upside down.. and then go back and clear the damn mess after the crowd leave.. wth.. bought a ring today... got carve my name on it.. lolx.. has been wanting to get something liddat for a long time liao.. my mood was kinda down today after dinner.. dunno why also.. helped my brother do his stupid dreamweaver thing... in chinese... and the stupid com was damn lack... keeps hanging... wth... my sister's ill... and her bf can to stayover to look after her.. and so he's sleeping on my bed tonight... so.. i'm bedless tonight.. lolx...sometimes i wonder what will happen if i fall ill.. my mom will ask me not to fake ill.. (like as if it's fun to fake ill).. and i'll be stuck to my bed.. in the hot sticky situation.. oh ya.. and my brother will be laughing at me falling ill... wth...

work today.. again.. there's atrium sale and linda's not around.. sales for regular item for yesterday and today was not too bad... always wanting to go to atrium to help... but i can't walk away without my partner around.. people at the atrium are like snatching and pulling anything that they can get their hands on.. even plastic.. wth.. u pack one wagon, the other's messy.. but with my colleagues around.. the time past by fast and i can have fun too.. stupid nicholas always trying to matchmake me with my other colleagues... and make fun of me... but too bad they cannot fight my 'rebukeness'.. haha..tml work also working full shift.. first time not watching ndp.. but.. money more important.. lolx.. sucks.. suppose to go ktv on wed.. but my sales rep ask me to go back to help to pack up on wed night.. so.. there goes my singing session.. sad... jay chou's songs damn nice.. but his rapping songs are getting faster and faster that i'm having difficulties catching up!! lolx.. but the slow songs are really nice... kinda excited bout a no of things.. hotel inspection on friday the 13th.. first HTMIG meeting on wed the 18th.. first packing up of goods since my joining of YGM on wed the 11th.. i'm beginning to feel that my life is changing.. from my hopeless life to now, a life that's beginning to see light.. i'm making more friends than ever.. getting more friendly than ever.. making more initiative to do things..making myself less optimistic.. and i realise that more people put their trust in me.. esp my mom.. i'm having lesser abrasion with her.. cos i've been minding my own business at home.. and that's good.. really miss my father..