ever heard of the song "i hate myself for loving you"?? well, for me, i hate myself for everything.. i'm feeling so tired... both physically and mentally...

"Welcome To My Life"
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

this song is exactly what i'm trying to convey and what i'm going through now... everytime, i'm telling u.. everytime she calls, the first thing that she always says always dampen my mood.. when i called her today, i wanted to tell her that i got interviewed by the straits times.. i wanted to share my happiness with her... but the first thing she said was why i called only then... everytime, i feel like crying after the call from her... or even when she's there to fetch me home.. the moment i got onto the car.. even before i had the chance to say anything, she start to scold me about how long she's been waiting.. this has been happening EVERYDAY... since my holidays.. i tried to change things... i tried to ask her out for shopping.. i tried to pull us closer again.. but it's not working... she's not making time for me... why can't she understand??

i wanna leave this sad place.. i wanna get away from this place that's making me cry all the time... i tried to talk to him, but he's always not willing to listen to my problems... almost every night.. i try to talk to him.. but he always give me the can't be bothered attitude.. why?? everyone seems to be busy with their own things.. why am i the only one with nothing to do, with loads of time to cry over everything?? i'm still bothered by the fact that i'm not able to go to jay chou's concert.. i thought by going i can at least cheer myself up and have something to look forward to... but.. too bad... god just doesn't wanna give me this chance... it's my life.. wad more can i say... i'm tired... really tired...