had a long meeting with the IG today... niwae, went to work at aunt's shop from 1-6pm for 35 bucks yesterday... and got a t shirt and a pair of socks for free!! qutie a good bargain.. after work she fetched me to nus to pick my cousin up.. she just returned from japan and she looked really jap now... we went to holland v to shop and the ppl around us were like looking at her all the time.. had a chit chat session with her.. and din realise that actually she not that unfriendly afterall... we had quite a lot to talk about... and it's good.. i came home and told my sis bout what i did that day, and also told her bout my cousin.. for the first time my heart wasn't beating so fast while talking to her.. i felt that it was normal friend friend talk... great.. think god answered my prayer... thank God.. did tmtpt quiz today... just passed lor.. shit stuff... but i think i'm not gonna let this affect my mood for the day... cos i was actually looking forward and in fact quite excited bout IG meeting... it's like only twice a month... and there's a lot of events coming up... sat in btw fagan and karin... was kinda stressed.. but it was ok after a whiel... had dinner with leigh, yixiu and karin... then after meeting went home with fagan.. suppose to end at 8.45.. but in the end dragged until 9.30... then saw grace's grp... they finished htm, and it's stressing me out... but i'm just gonna not get bothered by them.. at least we are 11/12 way through our travel geog.. and i feel so proud of it... one down... great... gonna be publicizing the sports day events for the BSC thing tml during econs lec with boon kiat... kinda excited.. first time talk in front of so many ppl... God, give me courage... i'm learning to be more optimistic now... God, guide me... pray that things turn out well tml...

very tired.. just came back from the ivp track and field competition as an event official... participated with jen peng and alvin lau.. was really new to everything.. like what the 'backstage' crew are suppose to do when there's a race.. my duty today is to be a position judge.. which is to be in charge of taking down the position of the runners.. seeing who comes in first, second and so on... but due to lack of manpower... we had to multitask... like after recording the position, we had to arrange the hurdles for the next event.. and move the hurdles away.. and then move back again.. and tell u, they are heavy.. other than that, we had to carry cartons of mineral waters from the store room to the top of the gallery.. then down again.. in all, we were running up and down.. and i think we ran more rounds than the runners did.. and it seemed like jen peng, alvin and i were the ones that did the most coolie job.. but we had fun.. looking that the runners run.. cheering for the runners.. and complaining about my clothes... cos i wore a red shorts.. then the t-shirt was also red... so i was like an hongbao.. walking and running about on the track... while having dinner.. i saw this student reading a test paper... and i was reminded of my econs paper again... my mood fell again... while shopping with jen peng and alvin... had fun today.. but econs is still stuck in my head... and i think i'm really stupid... boss called.. said OG supervisor complained bout all the part-timers from my company.. saying that we are all not committed to our job.. so i sort of got barred from OG.. shit.. there goes my monthly allowance.. but lucky boss was kind enough to help me arrange for me to station at other counters.. most prob is parkway's isetan... but it'll only be confirmed next week.. but tml i'll still be working... at my aunt's sportslink shop.. she said from 11-10... 5 per hour... so i'll just go and help out.. since i can't afford to lose this chance to earn money... so bloody broke now.. if i lose this job.. i really have to eat grass already.. shit.. life sucks.. nothing is going well.. my job, my studies, my life!! oh god, are u forgetting me..??

shit... i'm so disappointed in myself.. i studied so hard for the econs test... but i din do well at all... i seriously din't expect myself to get this kinda mark... shit me... i'm just the stupid stupid kind... that no matter how hard i try.. i wun succeed.. fck.. when one is down on luck.. nothing goes right.. i was just so stunned by my marks that i din talk for the rest of the lesson... and it got worse after knowing both alvin's marks.. i'm really stupid.. think alvin is right, gals are dumb.. specifically me.. din really get to enjoy myself for ccn also... went to help out at the HTMIG stall.. we were selling cookies, brownies and mocktails... the mocktail was really nice lor... i was sort of jasmine's assistant, helping her while she was busy shaking the mocktail.. helped out from 1 to 5.. wasn't really in the right mood to promote our products.. but busy was quite good.. and i dunno why.. my hands were shaking thru-out the whole thing... was kinda scared.. when i was pouring a syrup into the drink then jasmine said my hands were shaking.. din realise it myself.. but overall business was good.. had dinner with them.. force myself to laugh.. to be involved in their conversation.. felt kinda not myself... shit... Lady luck is out of my life... it's all me and myself now... wth..

the feeling of being left out is always not good.. is it bcos i'm too anti-social.. or is it bcos i'm just so irritating to some people? why are my friends drifting away from me? why are my family members drifting away from me? why am i such a loner? the medicine keeps making me drowsy.. that i'm not able to pay attention to what the lecturer is talking about.. i think i just spoilt the mood of everyone during field trip today.. i just felt tired.. so tired that i din feel like talking... that's all.. i tried to smile.. but my muscles are too stiff.. is it because i was cold.. or was it because of other factor? intro to h&t is moving.. i need to really push myself more to do the rest of the projects.. it's lagging... just like my brain.. so laggy that i only realise i left my pencilcase in the com skill room when i reach the airport.. stupid me.. when liza 'scolded' me for not smiling all the time, i wanted to cry.. i was born this way.. this world is so contridicting.. i was born with a frown face.. u guys ask me to relax.. so i relax.. but when i relax, i can't smile.. cos u need ur muscles to smile.. when i dun smile, u guys say i dun smile. wat am i to do? can someone pls tell me? it's tiring to smile.. even if it's just 5 mins... shit.. why am i crying.. at 2.33am in the morning? my eyes are so puffy.. i can't see the words on the screen properly.. just ended a chat session with my sis's bf.. something about the conversation triggered me off... it just got into me and my tears just kept flowing like running water.. and my nose got blocked further.. that i can't even breathe... for a moment i thought god is answering my prayers to my nick.. "what if i die now...i think i'll be happier.." i think i've just used up 2 packets of tissue.. shit.. come to think of it.. i haven had a decent meal with any of my family members for a long time... wth.. i think i've been very forgiving recently... i dun have either the heart or energy to scold my brother.. and i even got him bubble tea.. cookies.. lollipop.. i learn not to push the blame to others.. so i'm swallowing whatever that people dun wanna take... i'm tired.. really.. really.. tired...

sick... sick... sick... from sat until now.. and it has been getting from bad to worse... sneezing all the time.. coughing... feel feverish... then when i sneeze i feel like my throat is coming out if my mouth... so painful!!! blocked nose all the way from sat till today.. wth... but i went to see the doctor just now.. at the 24hr clinic after went shopping with liza... the doctor said i got throat infection.. and it was quite bad... so bad that he could feel a lump of dunno what on my neck.. but lucky he say will subside... we din really went shopping ah.. just went to OG to get my parcel.. then window-shop the store.. then made our way to the bugis junction to get ice-kachang!!! then saw tay ping hui filming some dunno-wat show at the food court.. he's actually not bad looking in person... went to buy the beard papa for my dear sister and brother... then we went to try on adidas swimsuit... haha.. quite an experience.. it doesn't look nice on me... so... niwae.. i accompanied liza to chapter 2 to cut her hair.. i thought she looked great.. but she kept complaining bout her looking stupid and stuff.. wth.. liza, remember what i told u just now ah... lolx... received a sunflower from alvin lau.. thanx for the note and the flower... it really helped to brighten up my day and gave me a lot of courage to move on in life... things hasn't really been going smooth for me.. but i'm really trying to do my best to cope with it with a smile still on my face.. thanx for trusting me... just ate my medicine... got 5 kinds.. including one that has to suck.. so bloody bitter.. like my life... sigh.. no choice... i had to go through the bitter part to reach the sweet part of life... and it cost me 38 bucks... i'm going to be so broke... wth... hope that things in sch can go well.. and hope that things at home can go well too...

things are not going my way today... waited for 20 mins for a pathetic no. 9 bus.. then when we reach sch.. both grace and i just entered the lift and pressed 4th level.. and the both of us.. yes.. the both of us din realise that we were having ffb lec first... then we came out at the 4th level.. and we almost entered the male toilet.. thanx to the cleaning sign.. if not... lolx.. meeting atmosphere was kinda weird... and we din noe what to do or post during the online discussion.. stayback in sch to type the ffb report.. and my bus broke down on my way home.. and i missed my interview... but lucky my sister and brother is kind enough to record the interview for me.. we got interviewed for so long.. i spoke so much... but only i think the most 5 sentences came out on air.. so stupid... but who cares... i can't really be bothered with stuff like that animore.. had the comm skills presentation yesterday.. was kinda worried if i can do it cos i did the preparation only on wed night.. but lucky.. i did quite ok.. and i got compliments from liza and sylvie saying that i did well.. felt good bout it.. thanx guys.. hope that u guys will score too... dad went to indonesia again yesterday.. and this time he's going for another 3 weeks... hell at home again.. i'm trying to bear and understand my mom.. but unfortunately i can't.. i dunno wat kind of friends she's hanging out with.. ask her she just say friend.. she starts smoking.. wth.. what's happening.. she's going away to genting next monday till thursday.. with her 'friends'. suddenly.. my home is not as cosy as it was before.. *come home soon dad..*

the interview was... not as nice as i expect it to be.. the presenter ask a qn.. and she kept making me ans the way she wants it to be.. and i din get to say whatever that i prepared... and her qns really made ms tan panic.. furthermore, course manager came to sit in.. more pressure on her.. his presence din really have much effect on me.. just kinda disappointed at the way the interview was carried out... rushed for HTMIG meeting after the interview.. that i din get to eat dinner... was staring the whole night.. the meeting was great... was quite serious at first.. with all the rules and regulations.. but after a while when we get to the discussion of the activities.. things start to loosen up abit.. avril and i are going to be helping out at the HTMIG cart on CCN day.. they're selling mocktails and cookie... and.. there's this end of year orientation for the freshies of the tourism academy.. it's suppose to be 2 mentors to 5 freshies... and i am the overall in charge for the mentors... kinda stress.. to have such a big responsibility so soon.. being the IC for the mentors meaning they'll look for me if they met up with any probs for the next two yrs in their time in the tourism academy... they are also planning for the HTMIG end semester trip.. most prob to malaysia.. the destination is not confirmed yet.. but i bet it'll be super fun.. there's really a lot of activities and projects coming up for us.. so can't wait for the coming events... wore the skirt that i bought from OG today... everybody keeps saying i look different in skirt and stuff.. but thanx for the compliments ppl.. spent 12bucks to wash and blow dry my hair at the sch's salon.. din do it for anything.. but just wanted to try out the service of the salon and just ahppen to choose today.. the service was not too bad.. the massage was good.. and the lady is very nice.. she keeps smiling at me... feel good today...looking forward to the broadcasting of the interview on friday...

went through the trial interview with alvin by ms choi and ms ivy tan in the staff office today... it was quite funny.. to hear alvin talk in chinese for so long.. and also weird to talk to lecturers in chinese.. lucky it's pre-recorded.. if not i think we'll just stumble over our words and not know what to say.. today's mood is down.. dunno what's got into me also... feeling high at the wrong time.. and feeling low all the time.. wth.. wake up huiyi!! what's wrong?? everything seems to be going wrong for me... shitty shit.. working tml.. at night.. wed having the interview recording in sch.. then gotta rush for HTMIG meeting.. and the interview is for 95.8fm.. on friday.. dunno the time yet.. going to get the 'script' for the interview ready... if not later loss for words... life sucks..

stayed over at costa sands resort yesterday night with liza.. we went to the park and just relax ourselves there.. in the chalet, we did our projects and talked for a while before sleeping.. was kinda tired.. and so we woke up at 8.. had breakfast and changed for a swim at the pool!! (what an experience for liza!! lolx..) the water was cold and the lifeguard was so.. hmm.. we rushed home and quickly got changed for the hotel inspection at regent... met up with jenpeng before making our way to city hall to meet up with everyone.. was kinda fed up with the class as no one respond to me when i said something.. so i just say what i wanted to say and left first with jenpeng.. when i called the bus driver, he was kinda irritated that we were not there when he made his first round to the place we were suppose to board the bus.. so i called grace to rush the class.. din want this to dampen my mood for the day so i just take it easy.. felt good when people came up to me and thank me for chartering the bus.. din think that a small act like this could actually made an impact on anyone.. got to see the behind-the-scene of a hotel at regent and also got to see the different suites.. really was an eye-opener for me as this is the first time i get to enter a local hotel room and also see the executive suite.. thought that what the GM of regent hotel said was really meaningful.. we have to be able to bear humiliations to succeed.. ms choi called me as we were making our way into the hotel.. she asked me and alvin chai to represent the htm for this interview with the press.. it is to be done by a radio station.. not really sure of the station.. but will keep u guys updated... lolx.. she said she looked at my report book and thinks i'll be able to handle this.. feels great to have someone looking so highly of me.. nv thought myself to be important to anyone.. this is like a once in a lifetime thing.. so i'm quite excited bout it.. wish me luck ppl!!went for singing sessions with alvin and and shini and cindy(decided to go at the very last min) after the hotel inspection.. wendy also came along.. had a really great time singing.. haven enjoyed myself so much for a long time already... a great way to relief stress.. and alvin and i sing duets very well k.. dun play play... lolx.. we sang from 7 till around 1230.. (cindy and shini left early).. was really high at some points.. that we stand on the seats to sing.. lolx.. then paiseh when the person came in with drinks.. took cab home with alvin and wendy... thanx for making my day guys...

went for a swim with jen peng in the morning today.. both of us were late.. lolx.. we swam from the swallowess end to the deepest end, which is 4m. then we saw two guys who were tanned and trained and handsome entering the pool to swim.. we watched them swim for a while before deciding to leave for our grp meetings. when we were about to leave, i took out my googles when i was still in the pool, and one of my earrings dropped into the pool! jen peng and i dunno how to dive down, so we just looked into the pool 4m down from the surface of the water.. then, when i was still underwater looking for it, i heard one of the guys asking "do u need help?" i laughed in the water and almost got choked by the water... i was so damn embarassed!! then we told them what we were looking for and they helped us looked for the earring by diving down... jen peng and i just kept laughing cos we were like helplessly floating on the surface while they were the ones doing the job of finding the earring.. lolx.. i told them to forget it, but they say they are here to swim so it's ok.. then i was like... u noe.. lolx.. then in the end we think we are too late for meeting.. so we told them that we need to leave.. then if they can find, good, if not then nvm... then after we left the pool, i was just wondering how they are going to return me the earring if they really found it.. haha.. meeting with liza and allie, then rushed to bugis for work.. had to carry cartons and cartons of goods.. till my backache problem comes back.. and my butt banged into the edge of the wagon.. now got blueblack.. haha.. went for supper with niccholas, linda and her husband at bedok blk 85.. so FULL....

what a tiring day.. the people shopping at OG today is so much more than the people shopping yesterday.. and wth.. they just see see look look and no buy buy... sigh.. atrium was worse than yesterday.. i can just stand at a side and watch people turning the whole wagon upside down.. and then go back and clear the damn mess after the crowd leave.. wth.. bought a ring today... got carve my name on it.. lolx.. has been wanting to get something liddat for a long time liao.. my mood was kinda down today after dinner.. dunno why also.. helped my brother do his stupid dreamweaver thing... in chinese... and the stupid com was damn lack... keeps hanging... wth... my sister's ill... and her bf can to stayover to look after her.. and so he's sleeping on my bed tonight... so.. i'm bedless tonight.. lolx...sometimes i wonder what will happen if i fall ill.. my mom will ask me not to fake ill.. (like as if it's fun to fake ill).. and i'll be stuck to my bed.. in the hot sticky situation.. oh ya.. and my brother will be laughing at me falling ill... wth...

work today.. again.. there's atrium sale and linda's not around.. sales for regular item for yesterday and today was not too bad... always wanting to go to atrium to help... but i can't walk away without my partner around.. people at the atrium are like snatching and pulling anything that they can get their hands on.. even plastic.. wth.. u pack one wagon, the other's messy.. but with my colleagues around.. the time past by fast and i can have fun too.. stupid nicholas always trying to matchmake me with my other colleagues... and make fun of me... but too bad they cannot fight my 'rebukeness'.. haha..tml work also working full shift.. first time not watching ndp.. but.. money more important.. lolx.. sucks.. suppose to go ktv on wed.. but my sales rep ask me to go back to help to pack up on wed night.. so.. there goes my singing session.. sad... jay chou's songs damn nice.. but his rapping songs are getting faster and faster that i'm having difficulties catching up!! lolx.. but the slow songs are really nice... kinda excited bout a no of things.. hotel inspection on friday the 13th.. first HTMIG meeting on wed the 18th.. first packing up of goods since my joining of YGM on wed the 11th.. i'm beginning to feel that my life is changing.. from my hopeless life to now, a life that's beginning to see light.. i'm making more friends than ever.. getting more friendly than ever.. making more initiative to do things..making myself less optimistic.. and i realise that more people put their trust in me.. esp my mom.. i'm having lesser abrasion with her.. cos i've been minding my own business at home.. and that's good.. really miss my father..

bought a blazer with a blouse and a matching skirt yesterday!!! alvins, jenpeng, the salesgirl and myself say that i look nice in it... hehe... can't wait till the day we all wear formal formal... we went from raffles city to citylink to suntec then back to citylink... the alvins looked grown up in their suits!! but they looked nice... they can be G2000 spokesperson and me, OAMC's.. haha... really had a great time shopping with u guys.. and, i bought jay chou's lastest album!! haha.. today we had grp meeting... then i went swimming with jenpeng!!! had a really great time.. and it's a good way to relax.. even if it's just soaking urself in the pool.. plus the sun.. so nice and relax.. going to swim again soon... lolx...

econs test today was quite straight-forward.. but only if u studied ur notes.. u'll noe how to handle the qns.. and i think i've already minus 14 marks... but wth.. it's over.. went to sch to ask ms yang some qns on econs.. was quite surprise to see almost half the class in sch also.. studied with alvins and allie in the small stusy room on the 3rd level.. then there was the 'sway' joke by allie.. and her green scalp... lolx... then we had a singing session... haha... din really do much of travel geog today.. wasn't in the right mood.. maybe cos the econs paper just relieve a great deal of stress.. that i feel so relax.. like there's no test coming up... going to shop for jacket and matching skirt and all that is needed for the hotel inspection with jenpeng and alvin on thursday!! so excited.. can't wait.. but lots of project meetings lining up behind us.. meetings that will take up the whole day, from morning to evening... but hopefully this plan will help us to get more things done and finish our work asap....

stress..

i'm so stressed out by the upcoming econs and travel geog paper.. which is like next week.. wth, i haven even touched on travel geog... i think it's natural to feel a bit uptight about the first major test in this first semester of this first year of our first time in poly.. had a really great time with liza on thursday night... we went to enjoy the sea breeze.. watched the sunrise(lolx..) and we slept really late... like 4am, and woke up really early, like 6am... and in the end the stupid bus took so long to come that we had to take the stupid cab.. lolx.. we studied econs together.. had a chit chat session.. had a trial presentation among ourselves ate a lot.. and watched horror movies... lolx... travel geog discussion on friday was great.. everyone finally got what i was trying to say.. but something happened.. i bought this book of ingredients.. and when i got hold of the book, i realise that i so so so regret buying the book.. i din noe why.. alvin chai said it was because of the auntie as she din give me time to think about buying the book or not... wth.. i flipped through the pages and decided to sell the book.. and i got jeekeng to buy the book from me.. then, my mood went heywired.. i got so irritated by everything around me.. i even snapped at grace.. ( sorry..) i felt that i din noe anything suddenly... lucky liza and jen peng was there to cheer me up.. and alvin chai too (online) lolx... and guess what.. i got my rice bowl back!!! the full timer sort of got onto my supervisor's nerves and he told me that he's going for an interview as aircraft technician or coffee bean assisstant manager.. meaning he's not gonna stay at this counter with me for long!! yeah!! i dun really like the way he do things either... then my partner joey din come on sat.. which left the counter to me and him.. then we got an atrium sales.. with out of four, only one experienced promoter.. the rest dunno how to pack wagon, dunno how to serve customer.. 8 wagons, 4 promoters, they cannot handle.. linda (supervisor) went home at 7.. and so did that stupid fat full timer.. which means i have to keep running two ways.. wth.. the promoter in the end couldn't finish packing the wagons in time, they have to get me to help them.. i pack two wagons, two of them just finish packing one wagon... slow... then today linda off, i never go work.. so worried what'll happened to the promoters at the atrium.. i wasn't really granted a day off today... but i have to.. cos i need to s.t.u.d.y... so i begged my sales rep.... then he so reluctantly allow.. sigh.. but managed to finish 5 chapters of econs up till today... gonna chiong for travel geog tml...