the feeling of being left out is always not good.. is it bcos i'm too anti-social.. or is it bcos i'm just so irritating to some people? why are my friends drifting away from me? why are my family members drifting away from me? why am i such a loner? the medicine keeps making me drowsy.. that i'm not able to pay attention to what the lecturer is talking about.. i think i just spoilt the mood of everyone during field trip today.. i just felt tired.. so tired that i din feel like talking... that's all.. i tried to smile.. but my muscles are too stiff.. is it because i was cold.. or was it because of other factor? intro to h&t is moving.. i need to really push myself more to do the rest of the projects.. it's lagging... just like my brain.. so laggy that i only realise i left my pencilcase in the com skill room when i reach the airport.. stupid me.. when liza 'scolded' me for not smiling all the time, i wanted to cry.. i was born this way.. this world is so contridicting.. i was born with a frown face.. u guys ask me to relax.. so i relax.. but when i relax, i can't smile.. cos u need ur muscles to smile.. when i dun smile, u guys say i dun smile. wat am i to do? can someone pls tell me? it's tiring to smile.. even if it's just 5 mins... shit.. why am i crying.. at 2.33am in the morning? my eyes are so puffy.. i can't see the words on the screen properly.. just ended a chat session with my sis's bf.. something about the conversation triggered me off... it just got into me and my tears just kept flowing like running water.. and my nose got blocked further.. that i can't even breathe... for a moment i thought god is answering my prayers to my nick.. "what if i die now...i think i'll be happier.." i think i've just used up 2 packets of tissue.. shit.. come to think of it.. i haven had a decent meal with any of my family members for a long time... wth.. i think i've been very forgiving recently... i dun have either the heart or energy to scold my brother.. and i even got him bubble tea.. cookies.. lollipop.. i learn not to push the blame to others.. so i'm swallowing whatever that people dun wanna take... i'm tired.. really.. really.. tired...