i think this new year is a bad year for me.. 2nd day of new year my grandma fell sick and was hospitalised..

she was still quite active during the first day of new year.. giving out angbaos.. and the next time i see her.. she was lying on the hospital bed, weak and frail, going in and out of sleep so very frequent, sometimes i dunno if she's just resting or she's really asleep. her eyes seem to be tearing every now and then.. and i know she feeling pain.

on my contemporary interview day, worked in the morning and quarrelled with my colleague.. cried.. eyes swollen.. plus still feeling sore about my grandma.. and the interview din turn out well as well..

got pang se by friends.. left alone aimless.. dunno where to have dinner on my own..

then today got complained by passenger.. when i honestly dunno where i went wrong.. nvm la.. it's just not my year.

went to visit my grandma again.. she got transfered to the icu.. her intestine or stomach seem to have a hole and she vomitted blood yesterday.. now she can't eat or drink.. but she seem to be more concious today.. i wonder what going through her mind.. she probably doesn't want us to worry about her.. that's why she kept asking us to go back and dun need to visit her if we got no time for her.. she's probably being selfless.. before i left.. i told her not to think too much and rest well.. think she couldn't take it anymore and show signs of crying.. of course i got affected and teared too..

i'm thinking of the worst situation, but of course i wish to see her standing on her feet again.. and i'm keeping my fingers crossed.. she will get well.

for the first time i joined cx.. i feel that i'm unsuitable for the job.. i can't control my emotions well enough.. now i'm doubting my passion.. doubting my choice of career..

and my mom has to bring her friend's son to waraku and see me work.. and intro him to me.. make me so paiseh.. wth.. i want a bf.. but i'm not so despo to resort to matchmaking can.. fed up.