met up with jingmin just now for movie and chilling session... havent been in contact with my friends for some time, and cooping myself at home will make me think about neg things...

spent the whole day thinking how to start studying.. how to find time to meet my friends.. how to not feel so emo... when will i receive dear's msg.. when will i become stronger..

but out of all the things that i had been thinking about.. none actually was productive. i still dunno how to start motivating myself to study. i still dunno how i can meet all my friends when my schedule is so packed. i still dunno what else i can do besides feeling emo when i'm alone. and i still haven received dear's msg. therefore, i have not become stronger cos of all the above mentioned.

it's 12.12am on 29th jan 2009. and i'm back in my room, with my laptop on my lap, wondering what i should do at this time of the night other than sleeping. becos i've got things on my mind, i cant get to sleep, i feel insecure all of a sudden, i'm meeting dear's parents tmr, i'm worried about my studies all of a sudden and i hate myself for feeling what i'm feeling now.

of course, most of the time i'm the factor to why i'm feeling what i'm feeling, but somehow it's hard to feel otherwise when there's nothing to motivate me to do so.

i've no motivation, morale is down, and the only thing that's keeping me going is probably the faith i have. faith in believing in the choice i've made in life.

it's 12.20am, and i'm still waiting, though i know i'll be waiting in vain. it's okie, probably it's the best time for me to start on my books. and start studying... start diverting my focus on somewhere that will be obviously more productive..