i really never imagine that someone so close to my heart will doubt my personality, doubt me as a person. it's so disappointing.

a big big dip in self confidence and self esteem.

however upset i am, however disappointed i am, i can't bring myself to stay upset w him for long. cos even as a friend, he's one very important friend to me.

i don't wanna lose a friend. but from the look of it, he'll never contact me again.

i'm gonna get a tattoo today. sophia asked me: are u sure u wanna do this? it's gonna be with u forever, and it's gonna remind u of the things u are going thru now. and i told her: i'm very sure. i want to remember this. i want to remember him. i want to remember the times i had in hood, this part of my life, i wanna remember it for life.

i only wish for us to still stay as friends. friends who can still call each other to talk about stuff and chit chat. friends who can still hang out together with our common friends. friends who'll still care for each other. simple? no? possible? no?

am i never gonna see him again? there wasn't even a face to face talk. the last i saw him, is that the last?

after my tattoo, i'm going back to my shell. only then, will i be able to stand tall again, cos i'll be alone anyway.