it's been a long week.. and a long stay back at home.. and now i'm in LA again, off for 6 days, off being alone again in a faraway land.. doesn't help that insomnia is trying to befriend me, and my tummy is always not feeling hungry.

always when i go away, i feel like everyone else's life moved on, except for mine. when i come back, some things always changed, some things would have happened, except for me and my life. it's as though my life has been put on a hold whenever i'm away, and when i'm on hold, it's by default that loneliness and emoness will be there to accompany me. it's a damn sucky feeling, not being able to call anyone to chit chat, not being able to meet people for company.. wad's worse? the rain outside my window..

it may be miserable to keep things to myself, and no one person knows everything about me.. my feelings, thoughts, emotions.. cos i dun think anyone will be able to understand me.. no one will agree with my actions and decisions and why i do certain things.. and i dun like to hear ppl telling me wad to do.. i've a mind of my own, i know wad's going on. and all i need is for people around me to respect my decisions and actions. no need to agree with me, just stand by me. but sadly, not many people can do that. most people will tell me i should do this, should do that, but they dun understand the whole situation. plus, i dun like to show my weak side to anyone. so people who have seen me cry, somehow or another i always feel a little embarrassed when i face them.

i read this somewhere and i really wanna let him know:

"baby, if one day, u feel like crying, call me. i don't promise i can make u laugh, but i can cry with you.
if one day u wanna run away, don't be afraid to call me. i don't promise to ask u stop, but i can run with you.
if one day you don't feel like listening to anyone, call me. i promise to be there for you, and i promise to be very quiet.
but if one day you call me and there's no answer, come fast to see me. perhaps, i need you. "

this is my promise to him, and it will stand as long as i live. after all that has happened, i really learn to 看开 and take things in my stride. the worst has already happened, and i believe there's nothing more that can affect me anymore..

I THINK OF YOU

When I'm down and all alone
When nothing seems to matter
When I lose my hope
When I'm sad and confused

When it all gets turned around and 'round
I can't seem to reach for solid ground
When everything I've believed in seems untrue
All I have to do

[Chorus]
Is think of you
I think of you and it's gone
Like you chase away the storm
Making it all okay
I think of you
I think of you and I'm strong
And I know I can go on
It's like you set me free
When life gets the best of me
I just think of you

Now I know what love means
And whatever life may hold for me
Through the fire
Through the rain I believe

Cause there's nothing I can't bear
Knowing that you will be there
If I fall I won't break
Through it all I'll make it through
Cause all I have to do

[Chorus]

And when I think I'm all alone
I can't see the way to go
Lost in the rain of my own tears
To wash away the pain and fear

[Chorus]

For the good times and the bad times
I just think of you
Cause you know you get the best of me
I just think of you


i'm thinking of u baby..