next week is the first week of 2006, and is sch reopen week.. time passes really fast.. so fast that i didn't notice that it's time for new year resolution..

handed in one project, and 3 more to do..

had company dinner on the 23rd.. got slightly tipsy.. din enjoy it..

had christmas party at mr neo's place.. for the first time, i attended a party that is filled with the christmas atmosphere.. i really enjoyed myself and i'm sure ailing did too.. she and her chocolate flavoured tee really amused the whole lot of us that day.. to think the smell still stay after wash.. haha.. a great exposure for me..

i've finished all the modules for driving.. having revision lessons once a week now.. waiting for my test date to arrive on the 11th feb.. seems like a long time..

exams are over.. 2 subjects.. well.. no comments..

went out with ailing, mich, john and mr neo for k and dinner yesterday.. interesting khaki but oh well.. we enjoyed and that's all it matters..

and today.. finally.. the long awaited family dinner (without dad). we had dinner at the restaurant at kallang, after my STUMPED meeting, and after sis just touched down.. took pics.. and mom talked about the time when she was pregnant with sis.. how my grandma and aunt treated her.. the good and the bad times.. and the tough time she had gone through.. suddenly, i feel that a mother is really very noble.. overcoming all odds to deliver their duty as a mother.. then we went to bugis junction to shop.. bro bought a new bag.. so did a and sis.. i got a tee from espirit too.. all proudly sponsored by my great sis.. yeah! we are not close.. but the feelings is still there.. i want to be like others who can talk to my sis.. and share with her my problems and joy.. but i always take the oppurtunity to let her know more about the happenings of my life by talking to my brother in front of her.. well.. i guess it's obvious..

btw, i dyed my hair today.. at the waraku affiliated salon, "Cinderella". japanese stylist.. who attempt to chat with me in eng.. but lucky for my one yr plus working in waraku, i can roughly make out what he is trying to say and just laugh when he does. haha..

fifth week of sch... and i'm already so drained out..

moving towards Christmas, but somehow i dun seem to be able to get to the mood..

i've been quite active in this club called the Service Ambassador. the main thing that i've done so far is learn how to do set up for functions and also to teach others a little of wad i know.. not that i know a lot.. but, practice makes perfect.. right?

events that took place in my life for the past 3 weeks:
TP 15th anniversary musical <> (18/11)
we were late.. took a cab down.. got pang se by kai and nic.. took the furthest seat from the stage.. had to squat/kneel/ stand on the seats to see.. but good thing is we were the first to reach the food.. and boss and alex were networking all over.. funny sight.. great musical..

outing with sha and nelson (19/11)
can i call it an outing? met sha in the morning to meet the supplier for the IG tee.. got myself a sample of the colour and very happy about it. met nelson at little india, and yes, we were late.. and he was grumbling about it.. but then , he made a mistake too.. mustafa is near farrer park, not little india.. so we shopped and walked down the street, and i got myself 3 pen.. each for about 15 cents? and they are good.. yeah.. ate indian food for lunch and early dinner.. full..

movie with javin, nic and ailing (21-22/11)
suppose to watch harry potter with the 3 of them on mon, but ailing last min working, and i dun wanna leave her out.. so got dragged to watch emily rose.. using my chef jacket as my blind, i manage to survive the movie with only 1/8 of the screen visible to me.. haha..
then on tuesday all 4 of us went to watch harry potter.. but all thanks to the 2 guys, we got the 2nd row seats from the front.. not too bad.. but i guess javin had a good time listening to me making fun of the people in the movie.. oops..

busy thursday (24/11)
drving lesson from 830-1010am, rush to TP to join my group for meeting which's suppose to start at 9am, then back to TAS for suzuki coffee party (it's actually a focus group), SA meeting from 5-6pm.. (which dragged.. as usual) and then at night drinking with john, belinda, justin and mr neo at chill bar.. phew..

k at mr neo's place cum supper at jap restaurant (26/11)
met john, belinda, pam and ailing at the interchange before making our way to mr neo's house.. funny thing is, john told us to board the bus, but he himself din, and in the end he took a cab there and still arrive later than us.. haha.. joke of the day.. mr neo's kids are cute.. playing with each other liks cats.. haha.. thanks mr neo for the wine.. cheers.
yue xiang's birthday.. yukari san and khoo san treat us to jap food at this restaurant in a hotel in Orchard.. a few dishes and it add up to $500++.. wow.. for 8 ppl, without any sake or any alcoholic drinks.. ex..

k with waraku staff (28/11)
got our pay the day before.. and brenen long ago planned this.. but, money matters, kinda reluctant to go.. but in the end when for supper with them.. and sand 10 songs, 3 mugs of tiger before i can leave.. and is not drink.. is gulp it down ur throat at one go.. i'm not a good drinker.. seriously..

driving lesson (29/11)
the same instructor that taught me lane change.. i think. and this time, taught me parallel parking.. good thing i din hit the poles.. and mr lawrence kinda like regarded me as his 'daughter'? and went to tell this instructor to take care of me.. honoured.. haha..

work at private residence (1/12)
mahbubani residence.. apparently he was the diplomat for Singapore in the UN and currently is the Dean of the Lee Kwan Yew School of Public Policy at the NUS. woah.. big shot.. and i din know who he was until the maids told me.. haha.. cool house.. nice maids.. good food.. good pay..

CNA filming (2/12)
just an extra.. pretending to be taking instructions from this HTB gal, who is suppose to be my manager.. cool huh.. not like it's the first time or something.. but.. something new for a change.. instead of nerve wrecking interviews..

trial cooking cum a lie (3/12)
went to see the IG tee supplier again.. and made the order.. then went to sylvie's house for our culinary trial cooking.. tried a couple of things.. but somehow getting the mis en place is already super time consuming.. then i burn myself.. ok.. out of the point.
then just as i was about to leave for work, cleo called, asking me to replace her at mahbubani's.. considering the pros and cons.. i told a lie to waraku and went to work at the latter. good decision, for i got to serve MM Mr Lee and Mrs Lee.. nice people.. polite.. curious about young people like me.. asking about the education i'm taking now.. lifestyle and so on.. the 2 of them.. on my list of people that i look up to..

last but not least.. (today)
culinary proficiency test.. was okie.. i thought i did okie.. although the potato suck.. wth.. then hang around at the MUTS booth with mich.. then studied for acc.. but fell asleep half of the time.. then accounting test.. let's not talk about it shall we..?
was expecting like a family dinner tonight.. now that dad's back.. but.. ma went out singing.. and then dad and all had late lunch.. so my plan kinda fall out.. oh well.. parents and shawn going to malaysia till friday.. so i can't have that long awaited dinner till then i guess.. weekends working, monday driving.. i wonder when will i get to fulfil that wish.. it's the same wish everytime dad comes back.. wish me luck for this week.. as i struggle through my jap presentation, lodging project. looking forward to the group dinner on fri.. let's celebrate!!

yeah. got my group settled.. janice, linda, caroline and alan.. i'm happy with the arrangement.. was so relief that during the choosing of the "star", our group manage to stay as one.. and we are called "work hard".. and we got ourselves a volunteering secretary.. ms linda yang.. *cheers*

i'm feeling much better now.. after having some time alone.. but.. i'm sad to see my savings depleting at a rate that is quite unexpected... target to get it all back by.. march.. all back..

i'm the class rep of the class this sem.. how? all thanks to mr revi nair.. and his funny tactic of choosing.. holding a highlighter above the pic of the class.. with linda shifting the paper.. he dropped the highlighter.. and there.. my name was higlighted. and.. i'm also the group leader of work hard..

today is kinda like a loner day.. going to lectures alone.. to class at least there's still alan sitting next to me almost all the time so far in tutorials.. then it was so last min that i decide to go for a drink with mr D***** first time i've very been to a bar.. sua ku right.. well.. that's the way i am.. he treated to dinner at this really old place that is around since 1940.. and it is so olden style.. then went over to the chill bar to chill out.. (duh..) the place has a nice atmosphere.. nice music.. observant staff.. ( they came over to open another bottle of beer for me as soon as a finished one) FYI, we order a bucket of 5 heiniken bottles.. ya.. chatted quite a bit.. and somehow it went to the topic of BGR.. it will also be part of any kind of conversation huh.. oh well..

think tonight is the night that i really relaxed and chill out so far.. after so many nights of school, work, IG, driving.. time for me to do the things that i want to do.. thanks mr D*****...

how come i seem to be busier than i thought i will be this new sem? the start of a new semester has never been so busy and packed for me so far.. and the earliest that i reached home since last mon (the first day of sch) is 930pm..

work.. driving.. sch.. ig.. SA.. suddenly i'm so involved in so many things.. not that i'm complaining but perhaps i'm just not used to it? i dunno.. perhaps i'm just giving myself the stress and pressure unneccessarily..

yesterday was such an unlucky day.. the 2nd monday of the semester, the 2nd culinary lesson, and i cut my finger.. not once.. but twice.. and in a very super short interval of.. less than 1 minute.. it must be the fever.. was laughing at my situation.. and crying silently.. making use of the laugh to cry.. funny huh.. but it was painful la.. ( duh!! )

and then i left SA meeting late.. so i boarded the bus to CDC late.. and so i was late for driving, having to alight the bus halfway thru the journey (somewhere that i dunno) due to the super heavy traffic jam and took a cab.. with only 6.30 with me.. the fare came up to be 10 over bucks.. and i just gave the uncle all that i have..

after the driving lesson, wanted to go to the toilet, but i need 10 cents.. without a single cents on me, with no ATM machine around.. i felt so shagged.. carrying my super big bag with my safety shoes and culi uniform in it.. plus my knife set.. luckily i met my instructor who told the ah ne that i'm his friend, and i get to use the toilet for free.. then went going home, i couldn't find my ez link card.. it was somewhere hidden deep within the mess in my bag.. for that moment i thought i lost it and i will have to walk home.. but thank god i found it..

wad a day huh.. well.. life's like this..

and for today.. i went to sch for 4 hrs of tutorial straight.. dry but i made the effort to be attentive and listen in class.. i want to improve myself.. i felt so betrayed when i heard that arrangment of my group members has changed.. i thought it was somewhat confirmed.. now i've a bad feeling that i'm gonna have to get those people that i really dun wanna work with in my group... with this.. i guess there goes my confidence and morale to buck up for this semester.. F***...

and then there was the tourism ambassador interview thing.. ms daga said something about putting up an act.. that really triggered me off.. i couldn't control myself.. i just couldn't.. i went thru this issue with nic b4... and i thought it's kinda over.. but then i realised it today that it hasn't... has been already feeling quite down cos of the grouping thing.. as in really down.. and that sentence just had to come on the same day..

it's ok.. i guess.. time will heal it all.. hopefully..

found an excuse to not be called back to work on my off day..

went to marina square waraku to have dinner with my brother.. saw tim.. actually i already knew he was there cos yukari said he went back.. that's why they are short of one person to work tonight.. oh well.. all planned.. if i was not called back, i would have went to katong to eat instead of MS..

slacked at home.. listening to jay.. guess so far he is the one that i will really look for when i'm really down.. his song will without fail cheer me up a little.. feel so relaxed.. without any thing restraining me from doing the things i wanna do.. not like i did anything extreme.. just bringing my brother out to town..

guess i was really in a bad shape.. to break 1 red wine glass and a drinking glass in a row in a night.. a little glass chip entered my toe.. can't see it... but can't feel it as well..

i passed my final paper.. with a lot of worries i must say.. cos i din really prepared much and din do well for my trial test.. well, it's over anyway..

ya... i guess it's really over.. from the way things are going.. from the response i get.. i can feel it drifting away from me.. did i make a mistake? sometimes i wonder.. why am i so indecisive.. or maybe i should say, why is it so hard to know wad your heart is thinking..

my heart literally sank.. do u know? although i dun show it.. but who can understand?

i feel like i've just lost someone that i can bare my heart out to.. i tried to initiate the salvation.. and i'm still waiting for some response..

i'm feeling miserable.. drowning myself in work.. and beer.. i'm surprised by my own behaviour.. so dun ask me anything.. i still know wad i'm doing.. dun worry..

really dun worry.. just give me some time..

dad, mom, sis.. all in hongkong.. brother? in singapore.. but dunno where he is.. wasn't in the house when i woke up.. and i am all alone.. nvm.. used to it le..

niwae.. mark chay visited my workplace yesterday... look a bit plumper than on tv.. but oh well, who doesn't change?

Wad a day.. has been trying to fill each and every available free time for the past few days to take me away from thinking about troubling matters.. and so, I bury myself in work, driving, bus work, jap.. etc..

And so.. I passed my jap.. congrats to me.. I'm able to move on to elementary 2.. wow.. great progress right..

And so.. I had my first driving practical lesson yesterday.. as wad everyone would say, the feeling of being behind the wheels is great.. and fun of course.. I believed I can do well.. until today..

Is me or just me.. my left leg seem to be super stiff when driving.. so is my right leg but better than the left.. I dun dare to step too much.. maybe becos if my past knee injury.. or maybe it's just b'cos I'm too nervous..

Felt really lousy about it.. with my mom going on and on about wad I should take note and all, I silently tear as my mom was fetching me back to work from CDC.. for ur info, I went for lesson during my break while working.. ya..

My brother got his results for his papers back.. all As, except English B… but overall is an A.. when my mom praised him, I wanted very much to just walk away.. it seem like I'll nv be able to get that kind of praise from her..

My mind is all mixed up with different kinds of things going on in there.. I'm trying to let things go the way it should be naturally… but somehow I just can't help thinking if I made the wrong decision…

Went for a haircut with ailing on fri.. thin it.. and shortened my fringe.. my head feels so much lighter.. and maybe most of the troubles have is lightened too.. it might be me consoling myself.. but who cares.. it's me..

I would nv have expected myself to come to this stage of my life.. where I'll be doing lots of things.. spending time enriching myself, enriching my life.. but then again.. wad am I doing all these for? Who am I doing all this for… I dun even know the ans myself..

Chaos, my friend..

so filled with emotions these few days.. went to be bus jie jie again on sat, fetching korean kids.. so cute!! and they are so talkative.. gosh.. can ask me to show u the pics if u see me in person!! haha..

then went to my mom's eldest sister house to visit her husband, which is also my uncle.. he got a stroke not long ago but he seems to be getting better.. it was his birthday and relatives from my mom's side all gathered at his house to celebrate for him.. only the left side of his body is able to move... he can make noises like 'ah' and 'huh', but other than that, his words are all slurred.. but from his eyes, i could tell that he still knows wad's going on around him.. when he held my hand, his eyes started to fill with tears.. seeing him like that, my eyes begin to water too.. he can walk with the help of his walking stick, he can eat by himself, and he cried a no. of times, but i guess it's all because he's touched..

he tried to tell me about his therapies.. and i figured he said something about the fierce therapists and then he started to cry.. feel so sad for him..

anyway, i bought the full house vcd!! watching the last episode, felt so blessed for the two of them.. after so much obstacles, so much.. they finally are together.. cried so much man.. my brother said i can use up a whole box of tissue watching the whole set.. haha.. say so much, he also got cry lo... but it's really touching..

had mac for breakfast yesterday... saw on advertisement.. and asked my brother if he wants.. haha.. but i think my mom took money from my wallet to pay.. =( nvm.. at least i get to eat SME meal!! yeah..

when will it ever happen to me?

din really do much these days, except to work and work and work.. but other than work.. there are of course some leisure time...

i spent the whole of tuesday's late afternoon with ailing.. chatting about the things that happened, and also the things that are going to happen.. haha.. saw the price of the full house vcd.. and it's only 34.90!! although it's 'only', but i still gotta save for it.. hmm.. money..

spent almost the whole day with my mom yesterday.. went to take a look at the newly set-up bus service company that she has.. woke up early in the morning and went to find the bus driver.. then off we went to fetch the kindergarten kids.. so cute!! gosh.. and they all has this angmoh english accent.. cos most of them are mixed blood.. and they kept calling me!! at least they din call me auntie.. haha..

there was this gal called ciara who lived in Nassim Park, and it reminded me of the monopoly game that i played during the retreat.. and that place really is wad it is worth... there are so many ambassies around there like the jap ambassy.. haha.. although i dun own the place ( in the game of monopoly), i get to visit the place!! yeah!

my job was actually to sit with the kids at the back of the bus and help them up and down the bus, and also to help fasten their seatbelts.. at least i din scare any kids this time... all of them are looking forward to seeing me again soon!! hhaha.. looks like the change in mood really can change a person.. and i learn to understand the passion that my mom has towards this business now.. =)

i'm still looking forward to school reopen, and see if there's any changes in the people in TAS, as well as the members in my class..

finally, back with more updates.. haha..

busy working, trying to earn more money to pay for my driving lessons.. draining me out man.. then there's the IG retreat..

went home after work to pack my bag.. and within 25 mins, i got my bag packed, bathed and got out of my house to wait for the bus.. reached the bus stop just in time to board it.. but mich hasn't reached her bus stop yet.. so i had to miss the bus and take the next next bus which is 20 mins later... in the end took the bus with mich and crystal to pasir ris and chiong to buy drinks and brush for the butter then rush to catch the 6.15pm shuttle bus to aloha loyang..

waited... waited.. waited...

in the end, we took a cab in.. and the stupid driver said he know but actually he dunno.. the ALOHA LOYANG sign so big he still nv see and continue to drive straight.. until i had to like tell him off like.. wth... he said he dunno where's costa sands also.. then how he become driver man.. well, in the end we realised that crystal got the wrong time from vanessa and the time of the shuttle bus is suppose to be 6.45pm.. hhaha..

changed into some comfy clothes before joining the guys at the bbq pit.. was busy bbq-ing for people, until when everyone was watching tv (except sam and shawn), then we increase the power of the fire and then i got to eat all the nice food!! haha.. stingray with sambal chilli.. heavenly.. went to swim at around 9 plus after the pool is closed, and got chased out of the pool at around ten plus.. went back and then not long after, gavin came.. yeah.. with british vodka.. drank a bit.. and avril got all red.. so did crystal.. lu-anne was high too.. haha.. playing monopoly and laughing at gavin's orange tee.. haha.. chatted on the phone with ailing.. haha.. at least she accompanied me thru the lonely night as i was kinda bored.. so much to update each other although it has only been a short while since we last met each other..

went back to my room and chatted with avril and crystal and shawn.. and sam joined us a while later to hide from the crazy group of people outsied.. namely: michelle, gavin, vanessa and lu-anne.. i think jean was happily sleeping away.. haha..

the next day avril and i rented bike and rode out to white sands ntuc to grab some apples.. haha.. in the end we bought apples and grapes and chips more.. and got the canadian pizza gal to look after our bike for us.. then when riding back, we didn't watch out for cars.. riding back as fast as we could.. haha.. damn funny.. then went to play monopoly with sam and vanessa while lu-anne, shawn, gavin and avril went to sleep.. yes.. it was mid afternoon.. and i had lots of houses and money!! yeah!! hhaha.. we only cooked lunch at around 4 plus.. after eating.. it was meeting time.. sam, vanessa and jean left in the evening.. sad.. only got 2 sub com left.. but nevertheless, we still had fun, with boon kiat joining us in the late afternoon.. yeah..

ordered mac for dinner and then watched amazing race while avril, gavin and i played hopscotch.. bring back childhood memories huh.. played monopoly with crystal, gavin and boon kiat.. with lu-anne playing songs with shawn's speaker.. haha.. then it got boring and we played heart attack then played tai tee.. got kinda boring too.. so we decided to go to the pool!! swam for a while.. thinking about lots of things.. then went to talk to lu-anne.. she isn't as bad as everyone thought she will be afterall, told her something that very little know about me.. haha.. well, although it was a short chat, i seem to know her a lot better.. went back.. and nic called.. another person to accompany thru the lonely night..

checking out time.. everyone was so slow.. including the staff.. that we missed out bus out, except for boon and mich... in the end gavin, crystal and i met them at tampines BK then went for K-lunch.. it was like a main com bonding session and i really enjoyed myself.. not forgetting the full-of-emotion singing with boon kiat.. haaha.. yeah..

well, all i can say it that i really enjoyed myself a lot.. those IG members who were not there, too bad, you missed out all the fun.. kinda disappointed that the turnout was as such, but well, they lose out, not us, right?? ;P

dad's back!! and i've cleared one thing on my to do list.. which is to have a family meal.. had dinner on tuesday evening at one of the coffeshop near my house.. had one of my favourite fishhead steamboat.. love the soup..

last fri was quite an experience at the SATS catering centre.. being part of the WINERS team.. haha.. and standing in our heels from 6pm to 1am.. gosh.. and also first time taking instructions from angmohs.. can see a lot of lost faces on my fellow schoolmates' face.. haha.. there were a few hiccups here and there.. sending in the wines too early.. having plates smashed on the floor.. (oops.., but it's not me.. ) but love the experience..

we got a new group of sub com joining us in the IG.. and i believe the IG will be more lively than before cos of the 3 Ss.. haha.. had dinner on sat with these 3Ss, and a few others at MS waraku.. love the atmosphere.. with the right ppl to lift the mood up..

on my way to the 2nd phase of learning driving.. which is taking the final theory paper.. i passed my basic theory paper and spent some more money on my provisional driving license.. sigh.. i've nv felt so desperate for money before.. still looking for job.. but thanks to vanessa for introducing that job to me.. love ya..

life seem to be filled with things that keep me busy all the time.. without any time for me to think about anything else that will pull my mood down.. i hope that this will continue, and hopefully the pain in my heart will slowly die off unknowingly..

i'm trying to be like Su Yi.. look at things the optimistic side, and being so open in giving up the guy she likes but thinks they are not meant to be.. and hopefully i can do it.. however for me, i have to open up, to accept things the way it should be..

had quite a tiring day walking the streets of orchard today with xueyun... plus, i woke up early today to attend this briefing in RI regarding my brother's subject selection.. as it ended early, i walked around junction 8 for close to 2 hours before making my way to somerset..

actually i had to work in the afternoon today.. but due to the last min notice of the briefing.. i was not allowed to change shift with sky but to give my shift to him.. sad.. lost a chance to make more money..

well, sad things aside.. we went to have lunch at this place where all the staff look like they just came out of jail and are very polite.. and the food is not bad and is considered cheap!! 5 bucks for a pasta meal inclusive of a soup, watermelon and salad.. haha.. went to shop at OG Orchard Point and got myself the largest polo tee from giordano junior.. and it fits me!! haha... tried on this skirt from OP... but too bad last piece and it's dirty.. so i'm still trying to look for the skirt elsewhere... shopped there for close to 2 hours.. then went over to specialist centre.. then over to hereen..

at hereen.. guess who i spotted??!! weichoong and derrick from project superstar!! weichoong was wearing this black hat with a white towel wrapped under the hat.. i spotted the hat first on 4th level.. then saw the hat again on 5th level.. so i took an extra look.. then he walked past me quite closely as it was crowded.. then i said to xueyun: "that's weichoong leh!! that's weichoong.." and i din realise that the people around me started to look at the direction that i was looking at.. haha.. then turn out that derrick who is rather short was with weichoong all along and i din notice him until a while later.. haha.. then we pretend to be looking at things in 77th street.. and they were behind us, trying out cap.. haha.. damn funny...

after hereen next stop was takashimaya.. then wisma.. it has really been a long time since i last walked and window shop so much and so long... the last time i guess was with wanshi after prelims... memories..

guess i found a friend that share some similarities with me.. same shoe size.. same waist size.. same taste..

read a book at polular today.. it's called betty and veronica best friends forever... u know.. the archie comics... ya.. that betty and veronica.. in that book, they mentioned that it's good to have more than one best friend.. when u fall out with one, there's always another one to seek for consolence.. and also, u can be have a friend to talk to, but she might not be the one that u can go out with as interest differs.. i guess it's the advantage of having more than one close friend.. and i'm lucky i got 3..

the bbq at downtown east was quite an enjoyable one.. was kinda awkward at first.. cos i forgot most of their names... oops.. haha.. so i went up to the room.. and there, i felt more relaxed with juana around.. haha.. we watched the jap show . then the stupid variety show by the jack neo family then the erie 9pm show.. and lastly.. the incredible incredible tales.. waha..

enjoyed all the chat we had on the bed.. next to the bbq pit.. haha.. all thanks to the 'show' put up by fook ping, xavier and peilin.. haha.. somehow, the world is so small.. ariel is wanshi's cousin, juana is nelson's sister.. guess it's fate that i was this class's SL... i'm actually quite surprised that my friendship with juana and fook ping is like as if i've known them for a long time... hmm...

i have thought through a couple of things these few days.. and i have come up with a conclusion: to take things in my stride...

as usual, there's bound to be biaseness in a family.. in terms of the present u get for your birthday, or the kind of remarks u get from ur family.. it kinda becomes a part and parcel of life that it's so hard for me not to let it blend into my life..

stayed overnight at xueyun's place on saturday night with ailing.. suppose to take ting's car to harbourfront for terry fox run together on sunday.. but the lazy bum didn't want to go last min and so just ailing and i took a cab down to ting's place early morning.. while on the expressway ting's mom was talking about rain and the next min, the rain came pouring down.. and it din stop full till after the event.. was caught in the rain while walking to the beach carpark.. it was kinda chaotic and i was forced to do things that i din want to do.. hmm.. well.. it's over.. wad can i say.. just that i dun like ppl to assume things.. something that i always tell nicholas about..

met shaidah at parkway after terry fox yesterday.. had a long talk about that has happened lately.. well, guess so much things has changed that it's kinda hard to believe right??

it always happen to me huh.. raining just when i am about to go for work or when i'm on my way.. the latter is worse, esp when i nv bring umbrella.. and it happened to me today.. so, i ran in the rain and caught a flu.. plus the rain encounter i had yesterday.. i had a hard time controlling my sneeze while working.. lucky it didn't last too long.. and i'm well again!! yeah..

going for a bbq cum class gathering of 1H10 later.. i was their SL during the week zero orientation and kinda touched that they still remember me till now.. well, nelson's sister is in that class plus that cheeky class rep.. it's kinda hard for me to forget them either.. but kinda guilty.. cos forgot some of their names le.. oops.. it's very heart-warming when they crowd over me when they see me during movies under the stars.. when i saw them at terry fox run briefing.. kinda feel like their mother. haha.. they also say that..

things come and go.. so do friends.. but i certainly hope things will be the same as in the past.. i will reflect.. i hope u will too..

is it the current lifestyle, my lifestyle or is it just me? i've been having aches all over my body, be it backaches, headaches or shoulder aches... guess i'm just not used to work after resting for 2 weeks.. plus at the rate waraku's business is picking up, i guess i'll need to visit the gym one day..

had my first jap lesson with mich on sunday.. kinda thought that i will regret signing up for this course cos i thought it might be just an action on impulse, but after the lesson i can guarantee that it is really out of interest... although it was a make up lesson i can tell that people who sign up for this lesson is really just purely out of interest and some, a necessity.. however i feel that some might that it as a competition, and it goes back to my previous post where i mention about not liking people that are competitive..

then there was the huge rainpour yesterday, that came just as i was about to step out of my house for work.. although i brought along an umbrella that was super big.. (something that i wun carry normally..) i was wet almost from head to toe by the time i reached the bus stop.. the rain plus the wind literally blow me away, with the attacks of the rain and thunder, i was a little worried.. at that very moment, i thought it would be great to have someone to go through this with me..

well, back to the rain, i saw this lady who got a super small foldable umbrella and the shelter part got blown till it goes the reverse way.. and i was like laughing silently.. cos she was in the middle of the road, with a lot of groceries, and trying to adjust the umbrella back to its original shape, until she din notice that her umbrella was not sheltering her... haha... and i told my mom about it and she told me about an umbrella joke that she know of when she was still in the working industry.. can ask me about the joke if u wanna know.. =)

and then today i went to sign up for driving basic theory test.. kinda went there blur, not knowing wad's the procedure and all.. lucky for this nice lady who gave me advice and all, and now, i'm on my way to my first step to driving a car!! yeah!! din tell many people about it cos i din wanna make it like a big thing and i would rather have some things to myself.. so please understand that i wun wanna talk about my driving lessons or test, unless i started the topic.. ya..

some people might think that it might be a bit too much for me.. to learn jap and driving at the same time.. so just to let u guys know, i'm fine with it as i have interest in both, and also, it gives me a chance to prove myself.. i dun wanna be seen as someone who always score bad grades, or at least grades that are always worse than some of u, neither do i want to have nothing to be proud of in life..

when i was in P6, i was awarded the "Friend of Singa" Award... and improved from position 23rd to 3rd for my prelims... nothing bragging here as these awards are like nothing now.. but just wanna say that.. that seems to be the last time i was proud of myself.. so now that i've grown to be more optimistic, i wanna achieve something in life, so that when i leave the world, i can proudly say that: hey, i did these..

looking at me, people might think that i have good friends, close friends, good family background.. i must be contented.. i cannot say that i am not because i really feel lucky to have known these close friends.. but somehow somewhere in everyone's heart, there's always a something that u want, and to me.. i am not contented with my life, i'm not happy with my life.. looking at the currently standard of living, it's hard to find someone who is contented.. but for me, i dun go for materialistic goods, but more of relationships.. friendship, kinship, BGR..

i am not a nice person from the first impression.. after knowing me, i am more open and more sociable than expected.. it's easy to be friends with me.. and it's easy for me to condemn u too.. wad i look for in a friend is personality.. i dun like it when u have to compete for something or u have motives for doing things to hurt me.. if i ever find out that there are such people around me.. dun be surprise if i just drop u out of my friends list.. it's a matter of integrity..

"..the worst enemies are the ones that are closest to you.. "this is wad my mother tells me from young..

exams are finally over.. finally.. this is the first time i felt so relax, yet so worried over exams.. and by the time i reach marketing paper, i literally blanked out.. again.. but oh well, at least i gain something out of this whole tensed period..

i told melvin i was stress over exams, he got glen and organised a k session.. i can be so ever weak, but i would prefer to project myself as a person anyone can rely on.. i guess when people say that they'll be there for someone, they just sad it at that moment to make the person feel better.. but, the person who accept the assurance will remember it forever.. looking back at my previous post, my sms-es, that person who said will stand by me, will care for me, will always be there for me is no longer here..

there goes a friend, but here come another one.. so is this wad they mean by friends come and go?? chatted with this friend 2 days ago, using webcam.. haven seen this friend for a long time, and i am guilty of something.. guilty towards this friend.. regardless of how i feel, i hope for u to be happy and well, and i am very happy to hear from u..

was clearing my table and i came across 3 letters... one from vanessa, one from yixiu and one from wanshi.. brings back memories.. nice to know that there are people who actually takes the effort to write letter to me.. to sustain the friendship even though we are seperated by the lifestyle of our own..

even though it was exam week.. i spent some time chatting on the phone... esp. with ailing and xueyun.. actually is to ask about the things that we were studying for the exams.. but somehow it ended to be a chat.. and it always happen that the 2 of them will call me one after another, and end up with a conference call.. haha.. but it feels good to be able to help them in their work.. although the satisfaction of completing the exam is low.. but being able to help them seems to make up for the satisfaction..


I'll be there for you
Bon Jovi
I guess this time you''re really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
And as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love in suicide
You say you''re cried a thousand rivers
And now you''re swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won''t save me anymore
Now I''m praying to God you''ll give me one more chance, girl
I''ll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I''ll be there for you
I''d live and I''d die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can''t say what a love can do
I''ll be there for you
I know you know we''re had some good times
How they have their own hiding place
I can promise you tomorrow
But I can''t buy back yesterday
And Baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I''ll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drink, I''ll be the wine
I''ll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I''ll be there for you
I''d live and I''d die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can''t say what a love can do
I''ll be there for you
And I wan''t there when you were happy
I wasn''t there when you were down
I didn''t mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I''d seen you blow those candles out
I''ll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I''ll be there for you
I''d live and I''d die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can''t say what a love can do
I''ll be there for you

two papers down, two more to go.. CRS is a real killer subject... interesting to study, but bad for exams.. there were just too many things to remember and it drives xueyun, meiqi and i crazy.. haaha... but accounting to me was quite fine.. or it was so i believe..

2 more days and we are into our holidays, beginning of my new course, and i'm gonna take up driving lessons.. suddenly had the drive to learn more things.. learn new language, learn skill. maybe this is considered a start to a change towards my life's perspective.. i used to think.. why study so much, why know so much.. when u are dying, all effort will be wasted.. but now, i want to upgrade myself, so that i can use my skills to help ppl.. i learn driving so that i can drive ppl around, i learn new language so that i can help tourist to translate.. i make a point to understand what i'm studying for exam, so that i can teach my friends.. whereas in the past, i study for exams is just mainly to fulfil my mom's expectation of me..

perhaps is those kind of mentality and immaturity that was in me in the past, where i do things purposely to anger my parents, going against them.. however, i'm glad that i did not go overboard and still manage to be in a state that i'm happy to be in now.. the immaturity is gone, but going against them.. not yet..

wad really is friendship?? i like to be with friends that are there to help you and pull you up when u are down, make you happy when you are sad.. but sadly, there are those that are competitive.. comparing every possible things that they can.. before u do, pls think of other's feelings.. cos this kind of competition will actually make me disappointed in you..

looking at my sister, i feel jealous. she has friends that she can always rely on no matter wad, do things together, and stand by each other even from sec and jc.. i long for one.. i envy the kind of lifestyle that she's has, i envy the kind of friends that she has.. in the past, all these envy made me hate her.. hate her for having things that i do not have.. but now, i try to work towards my goals, aiming to achieve wadeva that she has, wadeva that she does, so that we wil have a common topic to talk about.. i guess this would be my greatest regret in life.. ever...

time really flies.. in just a short time, i'm coming to the end of the semester, closing the days of exams.. just thinking back brings wonderful memories..

the time we met in TP after the long break, getting ready to make our way to TAS.. the first step into TAS.. the very first class i attended (accounting lecture), the very first time ate at fare and square, the very first time i went to the different toilets, the first time i bathe in TAS, the first time i got my new TAS pass... all the first times.. and all seems like a familiar routine to me..

i'll definitely miss working at the service side of the restaurant, wearing formal once a week to sch, to sentosa.. miss the lecturers and tutors that has been so patient and understanding towards us.. thank you all.. not forgeting my classmates!! 2H01!!

back to updates. all interviews, projects, all over.. finally. i know i won't score well, perhaps it's just in my blood.. i guess i'll just have to work super hard for my paper to pull up my marks.. thinking of that makes me really stress.. ma and pa has been asking about my studies recently, and i really dunno how to ans. the guesses that they made demoralised me.. am i that bad a child in their eyes? i know i've deproved quite a bit since primary sch, but i've done all that i can. i dun mean to disappoint them, i dun mean to make them upset. it's just not within my ability to do so. i've tried and i'll keep trying.. i will..

went to Mr Damien Sullivan's place for a function last sat. not to attend, but to work. serving about 30 pax of majority Australians, it was a great eye opener for me. Mr Sullivan was quite a gentleman, offering us a guest room for us to change!! and the bed is just comfy, the place is just huge and i had mich to share this excitement and joy with me!! we were suppose to serve red wine, white wine, champagne and beer, and the job of course includes opening the bottles. had so much fun practising the opening of the wine bottles and my first try at opening champagne was quite a successful one.. yeah.. had "dunch" and supper with mich and her mum at joo chiat ba ku teh as well as newton food centre respectively.. thanks mich's mum for the treat!! how nice to have a mother that can talk to you like a friend.. and even joke with you.. hmm..

proficiency test was great.. made a couple of mistakes, but i'm quite confident.. practical i dun have much problem.. but when it comes to written work.. i guess that's where my confidence level fall.. hopefully my determination can help me to focus more and that my brain cells can co-operate and improve on my memory..

dad's back to indo.. and i din manage to say bye before he left.. so sad.. so many sad news coming at one time.. cousin attempted suicide, mom's friend got cancer, dad's friend got cancer 3rd stage..

life.. so brittle.. some wants to die but can't, others want to live but can't.. so should be learn to cherish life?? if life is so full of uncertainty, why keep hopes so high when it can disappoint u anytime? the place that we all are living in is called, confusion...

saw olinda choo at parkway parade today!! she was painting the stupid thing outside isetan, with her blue highlighted hair, and her slim figure!! so jealous.. but, her big head just dun fit in right..

had lunch at RITS with mich and ailing today.. food was cooked by some 'big shot' chef, so suppose to be nice, but too bad din fit into typical Singaporean's taste.. haha..

this week is so full of interviews and presentations and peer appraisal.. lucky for me, i only got CRS interview left. bad for me, i haven started studying for it yet!!

on sat i'm gonna be working in a place full of ang mohs.. haha.. all thanks to the lobang by my boss aka godfather aka bf.. haha.. i think it's quite funny..

this week i feel like a mother... waking my brother up every morning, getting him dinner every night, rushing him to go to bed, urging him to go study.. hmm.. but i kinda like this kinda lifestyle, with all the freedom we can have, but still know our limits.. tml, hell is coming back.. help me!!

finally.. Club Resort Spa Business project is over!! today was really project rushing day in the morning.. went to TAS to do my Apel reflection, hand in my portfolio, do last minute touch-up for the Service Skill project... in the process of doing these projects.. there were disagreements, arguements, displeasure against one another.. but it's all over.. now, it's just presentation and AppRes project left...

had a great afternoon k-ing today.. went to chinatown k-ster with mich and her friends.. and my BOSS.. haha.. johnathan joined in when we were into our last hour of singing.. first time there.. quite nice.. although khaki was a bit weird.. but i enjoyed singing my heart out.. and just realised that i always cannot hear myself when singing with mich.. cos we sound the same!! no wonder we are in the same band.. (S.H.E).. haha...

not feeling well.. therefore got sky to take over my shift for today.. then accompanied mich to TPJC band concert.. a bit weird cos first time i wear so lok-kok to a concert.. then so last min.. plus, i was in a choir.. dun really know much about band music.. however, mistakes were easily identified and i kept myself awake during the concert by obverving the actions of the people playing the tong-tong thing.. haha.. forgot wad it is called... and thanks to mich, i got myself another match-maker... nice to meet mich's friend too...

headache coming back.. and i'm not a person who will see doctors.. so, i really appreciate mich, for getting me medicine for my fever.. really touched when she passed me the pills, and making sure i take them.. love ya..

a big load of my back.. but kinda get used to the not-sleeping lifestyle le.. hmm.. that's bad right? dunno how to sleep now.. becoming a zombie.. well, at least i'm still in the right mind..

niwae, yesterday i took the bus out of sentosa with tat ming.. not very close to him but having conversation with him and knowing he's beside me just gives me a very heart-warming feeling.. like.. someone of close relation is close to me, giving me a sense of security.. i know he'll be there for me when i need him.. i know..

today, i've learnt the value of friendship.. thanks mich..

yes.. this is my class for this semester.. every sem, there's a different kind of bond within the class.. first sem, close like glue.. always hanging around with each other, shopping for blazers together.. wonderful feeling.. second sem, everyone just indulge in their own project groups, rushing projects, i think i already forgot who was my classmate for that semester.. this sem, although we dunno majority of each other, but as time goes by, everyone seem to be able to bond with each other.. cracking jokes, helping each other with our work, going k-box together.. the feeling is great, but first sem is still the best.

in about another month's time, we are all going to be splited up again.. it's good that i can make more friends, but then friendship with others will fade.. feeling kinda emotional..

desiree and sky has been together secretly for close to one month.. and to think the 4 of us dunno about it.. not even audrey.. feeling happy for them, but sad at the same time.. it's not like i'm jealous of them, i'm just feeling empty in me.. cos everyone around me seem to be having a partner.. and i'm feeling lonely.. i wun seek, i'll only wait.

went touring around sentosa with yixiu and her boyfriend yesterday... they came down to RITS for lunch, then i took them to images of singapore to tour, and we took the cable car out of sentosa.. nice experience, to relax after so much stress from work, and also to join them as they have fun riding the cable car and getting scared by the figures in the images of singapore. but then somehow i felt like i was a super big lightbulb..

there's just so much that i can do, but ppl seem to put me under the everything-also-can-do catagory.. and sometimes i feel flattered, but sometimes i feel bullied..

and then i want to ask everyone a qn, again: am i really that fierce?? yixiu boyfriend say yes. my colleagues say yes. wadeva it is, i am really trying to change.. change my 'fierceness'. well, if i really change, then i think u guys can prepare for a new huiyi.

i only realise that my school work is getting from bad to worse.. i'm at a loss.. i dunno wad i can do to pull myself up.. my mood, my studies, my personal life. including my family..

project dateline is getting close.. and i'm getting real stress.. and it's not helping that there are 24 hours in a day.. and that i only sleep less than 4 hours a day..

however stress and tied up i am, there's always a time for fun right? so that's where the updates come in..

karin's birthday party.. lots of ppl.. lots of nice food.. lots of alcoholic drinks.. and we enjoyed.. in the dark..

went for the ZPOP concert with ailing and eileen.. all thanks to my aunt for sponsoring the tix.. which is actually complimentary for her cos her company is the one of the sponsors.. vanessa also went with her friends.. but at the front of the stage.. in the end we managed to sneak into the front area too.. all thanks to vanessa...

dad came back for 1 week.. and i was really happy.. had a family dinner at parkway parade, where we used to eat the steamboat together as a family in the past.. and i actually apent 10 bucks to rush down for the dinner.. the taxi driver gave me discount.. yeah...

then he fetched me home from work.. and bought some noodles for supper for me.. so nice right.. love him so much...

had an outing with my colleagues from waraku and kelvin.. went to palawan beach to play on a sunday.. and the sun wasn't strong.. but i still got burnt.. quite badly actually.. skin still peeling now.. =( but i really had fun.. swimming in the water.. and the stupid thing is that i knew i was going to the beach but i din bring towel, or extra clothes. nothing.. went to work wet.. haha..

fun aside.. it's time to get on with business.. i seem to have a failing body.. getting aches and pains all over.. feeling tired easily.. not having the drive to do work.. that's bad..

worse of all.. i'm having migrain and i have a really strong feeling that all these pains and dizziness i'm getting now will lead to a super serious bad breakdown of my body in the near future.. when that day comes.. just ignore me..

my sis went for lasik operation yesterday.. was so worried for her that i wasn't concentrating when mr lee was giving his lecture... but glad that everything went well.. sigh.. another thing to be jealous but yet happy at the same time.. cos i have a pretty sister.. something to be proud of.. =)

i'm kinda getting used to the lifestyle now.. travelling to TAS to study.. then rush to work.. then rush for projects at night till wee hours in the morning.. then back to TAS again.. and the cycle runs.. not that i'm complaining.. but just thinking back.. the time when i so strongly said i want to join HTM.... when i thought i chose the wrong course on the first day of orientation.. but come to think of it.. because of friends i have now, i dun regret my decision.. and it's a good thing: cos i dun usually regret doing the things i did..

the sem is coming to an end soon.. i'll buck up.. i really will.. try...

first day of the month.. doesn't seem like a good start..

boring lecture.. lonely 2 hrs spent.. boring tutorial.. and for the first time in my studies in sentosa that i actually reach home before the sun sets... kinda weird feeling though..

so soon, next week is term test.. but lucky for us we only have one paper..

think this semester i'm a little more bad tempered than the last 2 sems... and this semester i get tired out rather easily.. think i'm getting old very fast.. or maybe i'm down with some illness that i dunno.. haha..

a lot of things has happened over these few days.. good and bad.. but looking from an optimistic view, there should be more good than bad things...

tml i'm gonna be the 'waitress of the day' for the sjcc challenge thing.. feels like i'm having RITS on a sat.. haha.. just me, jeanette and myself.. looking forward though.. think it's gonna be a fun day...

once again... really really.. thank god for ailing and mich to stand by me all the while.. *muack*

the feeling of making fun of ppl is back.. haha.. esp gavin... =p

has been feeling kinda moody these few days.. but i think the problem just lies with me.. this is one problem other people find it hard to face: accepting their faults. well, at least i plucked up enough courage to admit my fault. kudos to me.

i feel that i'm always around when the conversation does not involve me.. hate the feeling cos i always dunno how to react to these kinda situations.. within a week, it has happen twice.. when i ask, nothing is said.. to people out there, in future if u do not want me to know about anything, please do not talk about it in front of me..

i can be a fun person to talk to. i can be a fun person to make fun of. but please know ur limits.. it's kinda hurting to me when sensitive words hit me straight in the face even though i know that it's meant to be a joke.

i thought i found my friends and all to fill my life.. but recently, all seem to slowly go with the wind and drift away from me.. real slow.. at work, in sch, at home.. everywhere... i seem to have lost the bond i have with almost everyone..

no one understands what i mean, no one understands how i feel..

it's ok. i'm still me. no change. i'll keep on trying..

yap.. i know.. i haven been blogging much...

thanks to mich, nelson, rozy and kai for celebrating my 18th birthday with me...

thanks to audrey, chris and sky from waraku for getting me the lovely cakes and presents.. ans also the pleasant surprise.. thanks..

then there was the balloon hat festival.. thanks mich and ailing for the fun that we had making balloon hats till we got our hands and tired out..

had a couple of shopping session with ailing and mich.. to get a formal bag, court shoes, belt, blouse.. enjoyed the company..

also the RITS session that i have every monday.. honoured that mr neo and mr joseph thinks i'm skilled in service skill.. all thanks to the training i have from waraku.. opening bottle of wine.. setting of tables, clearing of dishes, serving.. making mocktails and cocktails.. interesting.. but from next week for 4 weeks i'll be attached to the Images of Singapore.. kinda looking forward to it though..

got called by kai to be one of the part time actress for 'i not stupid 2'. and wad do we do all morning?? jumping about, catching imaginary money.. ...

watched mr and mrs smith today with my brother.. nice show.. cool and style..

lots of things has been happening.. so much that i've difficulty handling them.. not just heart matters, but also family and projects.. all these are unavoidable.. but i seem to be able to do nothing about it.. i mean.. not within my means to decide..

wadeva it is.. i'll just stick to being myself.. like it or not.. this is me.

gonna be home alone tml..

sch started... blogging at TAS now also... hmm.. no water cooler.. only 2 toilets in all.. each for guys and gals.. cover walkway not extended to the bus stop.. small cafeteria.. limited seats.. mini library.. well.. all in all, i'm starting to get used to the life here.. the travelling to and fro is a time for me alone.. cos i dun think anyone would be taking a bus all the way from bedok to harbourfront and vice versa.. after 3 days of travelling.. not much of a time for me to think through but glad that i'm able to catch some sleep and also have some hi tech bonding sessions through SMSes with my freshies.. my colleagues.. my coursemates.. feeling really good to have friends surrounded..

beginning to take things easily.. well.. this time round not overwhelmed by emotions.. but by.. hmm better not say.. nic and mich knows.. haha.. really feel damn at ease.. with friends like nic and mich that i can share my problems and feelings with..

after the talk with avril.. i hope both parties are able to think through things and change for the better.. i'm glad i talk to her.. and trying to understand her seem to be an easier task than before..

give and take.. that's my motto..

recently i'm overwhelmed by the number of emotions and feelings i have in me..

watched with "divergence" crystal.. glad that we are able to go back to the past.. where we are able to share with each other our feelings and opinions on things.. somehow, i became a "big boss" in the eyes of others.. well, dunno if it's a good thing or not.. gives me a strong sense of responsibilty..

then, watched "kingdom of heaven" with yixiu.. was late.. when i walked in.. it was so dark that i can't read the letters at the side of the seats to find my seat and yixiu... at that point of time i was so helpless.. i din want to disturb yixiu from the movie.. i din want to call out for her.. i just sat at the back.. looking hard at the seats... the helplessness then made me think of all the things that i've gone through so far.. thinking of the times that i felt so helpless.. thanks xiu for the movie.. thanks nelson for the treat at swensens. yes, we ate earthquake..

went to give my grandma money.. when she told me she missed me, i wanted to just break down in front of her.. she has nv said these kinda things to me.. and considering the fact that i'm born in a traditional chinese family, i was shocked and touched. she held me hand to her heart, and told me she missed me, she missed my dad, she feels lonely.. is that how an elderly feels? then why am i already sharing the same feelings with her?

ma shared with me a little part of her conversation with pa after dad left on friday. she cried. i wanted to.. but i didn't. i swear nv to cry in front of her.. but i could hold on to my feelings no more when night falls... lonely nights are what me, ma and grandma seems to be going through..

yesterday was ah ma's 7th year death anniversary, according to the lunar calendar. i remember 7 years ago i was having my listening exam on a saturday. got a call from pa to school, saying he'll fetch me from sch immediately after my exam. that was the last time i talked to her. i was never close to her in the first place. but somehow she always gives me the impression of her as a very benevolent grandmother..

for the first time.. i can say in my whole life.. or at least from the time i can tell right from wrong.. ah gong talked to me. always when i visit him, i'll greet him, he'll have no reaction. before i leave i let him know, he'll just look over. yesterday, 7th may 2005, ah gong for the first time took the initiative to talk to me. he asked me about my studies, my sch, my course, my dad, his travelling schedule to and fro indo, my brother's sch, my sister's job... i was touched for the secong time in the week, touched by my grandparents.. for once, i can talk to him face to face and he knows my presence in his house.. i thought he has so many grandchildren, great grandchildren, that he would not know that i was around. before i left, he even asked me to study hard..

today is mothers' day. sis, bro and i wrote ma a card, and i also wrote in for pa the things he want to say to ma. every year, on this day, she'll read the card that we give her, with our msg to her, she'll tear. this year, she not only tear but cry. she told me no one will ever know how she feel whenever she fetches jie or pa to the airport and fetch them home. suddenly i feel the responsibility to take care of the family. she is not the motivation, the emotions that are involved are.. so much so that even while working today.. nearing knocking off time.. i was still sweeping the floor with all my heart.. laying the chopsticks nicely.. when i always will wait for time to pass with my colleagues..

i dunno how to describe the feeling i'm experiencing now.. it's not the first time.. but.. always..

daddy came back on saturday.. a few hours before sis.. dun understand wad's going through her mind.. we could have waited for a few more minutes for him to come out and have lunch together.. but no. she wants us to rush through out lunch before fetching him.. then buying a packet of rice for him to eat at home. =/ wth..

nvm.. then later that night.. i so unluckily got hit by the big & heavy udon bowl filled with soup that slipped from the dishwasher's tray.. and damn. i got a purple 2nd toe on my left foot. =/ wth..

thought we'd have a family lunch together since everyone is around and it's a sunday. but, a friend of hers had to come and help fix the shelf they got from ikea and it took the whole afternoon. by the time they finished, i already started working. =/ wth..

this morning.. decided to go have dim sum at the crytal jade restaurant at parkway. she had to invite her that friend along. but thankfully he was wise enough to not spoil a family's lunch and we had a sort of almost perfect family lunch.. (if not for her spoiling of image) =/

shopping.. saw crystal.. perhaps i was eating at crystal jade? =/ bought her a $299 worth of bracelet from SK. heart pain... half my pay gone.. visited my uncle at the hospital.. not really sure of wad happened but from wad i heard he seemed to have had one of his brain vessel snapped and suffered a stroke. now half his head is shaved and skull sunkened due to the operation.. can't imagine how my cousin ,flying from US back to singapore, is feeling now..

ex ex president died. wasn't a prominent figure during my times.. so.. deepest condolences..

i can't seem to find someone that i can share my feelings with and one that would agree with me in things.. loos like i have to keep most of the feelings and thoughts with me till then..

accept fate, accept fact.

disappointed.

i'll still do my best.

dun worry. i'm fine.

really. i hope.

finally, i'm feeling well enough to sit up and use the computer again..

the topic of the post:

HOSPITALITY AND TOURISM MANAGEMENT DINNER AND DANCE AY04/05

for the first time in my life i had curls for my hair.. and i so cannot get used to it.. mich says it looks good on me.. but perhaps it's on ME that's why i dun feel the same way...

from the viewing of the place, to the setting up, to the preparation of the reception area, to the welcoming of the guests... my mind was going through a mixture of feelings... think the staff and managers of carlton dun like me already.. although i am part of the admin and finance comm, i sure did try to help out in wadever areas that i can.. and for some reasons.. i ended up going onto the stage for 2 times... as for the details of wad actually happens... can ask me when u see me... glad that the guests were accomodating and understanding... and for once, nelson actually look good that night!! well, so did others.. =)

went to the coffee club at somerset and slacked till 3 plus before mich and i walked barefooted to the kopitiam, together with nelson and shaidah.. mich got so many disgusting blisters on her leg... and lucky we manage to get slippers at the 7-eleven at around 3.45 in the morning!! then we bought a tub of ice cream and try to imagine that we are eating swensen's earthquake... off we go to the airport when we spotted the first bus past us and slept at the slide at the playground.. comfy...

reached home at 10 plus.. but din get to rest at all... as my mom thought i stayed at the hotel room the whole night and had gotten my rest for the night.. she sent to me my grandma's house and my auntie's house to get something for her from them.. and after i return.. waraku called.. and off i went for work.. till late at night... reached home at 12 plus.. and guess wad.. i haven slept for 43hrs since wed morning..

the puky feeling comes on and off at times.. but i feel that.. wad is disturbing me is not my sickness but my heart..

i think i'm a bad host... well, that might be because i wasn't feeling well myself... so sorry to u guys who turn up for my chalet... hope it helps to give urself a time to slack and just relax...

all thanks to mich for reminding me to bring my mini mahjong.. i think jasmine got kinda hooked up with it.. hahah... and thanks to jasmine, i found a place to buy 2 shawls for 10 bucks and thanks to shaidah for lending me her guitar cover to match the shawl.. hahah...

woke up today with a spiltting headache.. and a super sore sore throat... still went to eat mac breakfast.. and the penalty for that was.. bearing with the want-to-puke feeling all the way home, and ended up puking just as i step out of the lift, just a few steps to my doorsteps. lucky i was already prepared with an empty plastic bag and didn't dirty the place... although i'm feeling better now then i've puked out the uncomfortable feeling, i still feel feverish and all aching all over my body... super super strong feeling that i'm gonna be sick again... and very scared tml i cannot make it for the DnD...

well, i'm so superly looking forward to the DnD tml... really.. so i'll try and eat wadeva medicine that will make me feel better and make myself well by tml... things are still kinda vague.. dunno wad i'll be doing.. but.. =)

it just brightens up my day when people i know visit the place i'm working in. although they may be there to settle their meal, i always like to deceive myself and believe that they are here to show they appreciate my presence on earth. weird kinda thinking, but that's one of the ways to keep me going: to feel appreciated.

just entered waraku and saw mr yong, my sec sch assistant choir conductor. and then there's VS's choir conductor mr kwei, so i guess ms lim (my choir conductor) will be coming too.. really felt so excited to see her. although we didn't chat much, i feel good. only through her that i know that SYF has started, and i heard from her today was good..

and last thursday avril and her friends came to eat, and so coincidentally, both group of ppl sat in the same room..

went shopping for the d&d gifts with rosell and jasmine.. kinda worried that i wun fit into their conversations and i'll be kinda out of place with them at first... but i actually feel comfortable, and thank you both for trying to get my involved in watever u guys are doing or saying.. getting me excited over meatballs... =)

she said to me: everything that happens, it's all a matter of perspective. well, guess i need to work doubly hard to change my perspective of life.. also, being confident and cheerful makes one attractive.. is that true? if so, now i know why everything turns out this way...

and today, really enjoyed the jokes cracked while fagan, mich, jasmine, nick, rosell and i painted the gifts.. it's really a nice feeling to be able to work as a team, and i'm beginning to feel more into the family again, just when the main com is leaving.. gavin appeared in a funny and cute character.. i guess today is one of those hard-to-forget days... really hard to forget...

so full of mixed feelings today.. gotta take some time to sort it out..

i really wonder how am i gonna survive this holiday.. it has only been one week and i am already dying of boredom...

bored... till i actually tried playing tennis, which was my first time playing it with nelson, mahathir, shaidah and aaron.. think i picked more balls than hit them..

bored... till i can walk around the house doing nothing..

bored... till i watched all the vcds that i have on hand and start watching them one by one... and i have finished them all..

bored... till i dug out the cross stitch that i gave up a couples of years ago.. only to find that i've lost the needle and the sewing needle i used as replacement has pricked me till i gave it up again..

bored... till i actually lay on my bed for 12 whole hours doing nothing but staring at the ceiling and the windchime...

bored... till memories start flowing into my mind.. making me so full of emotions for this first week of holidays... when i cry, it's not tears of sadness but joy, joy that things that are in my memory actually happens to me... so i'm practising the act of appreciating...

bored... till when the flat was shaking, i thought it was just my stupid headache, until the water in the bottle gave away... another earthquake.. getting nearer and nearer to singapore... if u realise...

the unpleasant feeling is still in me.. and it gets worse everytime i watch those love drama.. the furthest distance is not when both are far apart, but it is when u are just beside me and i can't tell u that i love you and miss you... this is wad i saw on the dramas i've watched, and i totally understand the meaning of the phrase...

disappointment in myself...

the last day of exams for me.. the worst day of the year so far..

wanna thank nelson and sha for being there for me when i need u guys, and thanks for the companionship that you guys and your friends gave me.. really appriciated it..

becos of study week, the friendship of me and a few friends got pulled apart.. hopefully we are able to get back soon..

this semester's study week can nv be compared to the last semester's one.. although the company is great, the feeling is different..

now, i dunno wad to feel.. the emptiness in me is overwhelming, so much so that i dunno how to handle it.. the truth is finally out.. the answer that i've always wanted to know is make known to me today.. it seems kinda expected but still, i'm kinda disappointed.. i have a feeling i'm plunging into depression again.. i'm trying not to.. i'm trying to smile more, laugh more, talk more.. but when the night has come, i'm all alone again, weeping in the dark all on my own.. the feeling seems inevitable.. i'm really tired.. i dun wanna think anymore.. but, saying is always easier than doing.. i'm a coward.. i'm a coward..

2 months for me to rearrange and readapt to my life.. all this is a misunderstanding.. a beautiful misunderstanding.. i'll nv regret the times i spent in TP..

i'm sorry to all.. but please. let me be in my own world for a while.. i need some time alone..

i'm losing grip..

it's coming to the end of the semester.. today is the last thursday of the semester.. feeling kinda sad that all this is coming to the end..

thinking back on the times we spent the first semester, the holidays, the second semester, and now, you are going on to year 2s.

it's a good thing that we are all moving.. but i'll definitely miss the times with everyone, esp the year 2s who are going on their SIP next semester, plus we will be at sentosa, this batch of people will just be confined to each other...

has been going out with yixiu, nelson and shaidah a few times these 2 weeks. be it a meal, accompanying them at the lab, those are the times that will really cherish the friendship i have with them. was feeling a little down tonight while playing pool with them. with the background songs and all, i guess i was trying to get this moment instilled in my memory, and make it a never fading one. tonight might be the last time we go out together this semester, enjoying ourselves, shooting ice at each other, making fun of each other, singing together.

one thing for sure, whenever i feel lonely or bored, i know that they are there for me.. not that others are not, but the comfortable feeling with them is stronger...

DnD will go on as usual, with the instalment plan for the Year 1s to help them with the financial part.. please do support.. have a lot of disappointment in people.. i really cannot understand why they feel that way, so if u know what i'm talking about, please enlighten me..

the belongingness in the family is not there anymore.. i try my best to leave the house early, come home late, so that i'll be able to avoid her.. i've been tolerating, and i believe that by avoiding her i can lead my own life peacefully, without much interference from her.. perhaps she's going thru menopause... i dunno.. wadeva it is, i'll just keep my mouth shut and hopefully, it will please her...

cheers.. =)

movies under the stars finally ended, with a nice flow of the event.. all thanks to all Ig members that co-operated with the MUTS team... thank u guys.. and thank god that the weather was super nice that night.. the stars were beautiful.. just right for a nice and romantic night...

was tired after that night, and had to get up super early for ALP with the IG on sat morning.. the program was great, with the kind of company i had, and the kind of trust that we had in each other, and the team work we posess to overcome the difficult obstacles... ironically, the teamwork, the trust we showed in ALP cannot be found in any event that we organise.. really disppointed in the attitude of people.. gosh.. but, i must say.. i really enjoyed myself alot doing the balancing thing, the raft thing, the seesaw thing.. despite having kicked by nelson, pulling the heavy nelson up from dunno how high.. but, i really enjoyed myself.. really... =) the feeling is there, always... for i'll nv forget the times we share as one in my life...

dnd is over.. cancel.. scraped.. wateva.. and i think things could end up in a better way than this.. once again, i'm disappointed that u are this kinda person, not hearing from others, but witnessing it myself makes me lose hope in you..

i'm currently taking things in my stride, hoping that things will turn out to be the way i hope it to be.. i'm beginning to learn to let go of things, but the mind says yes, the heart says no.. so.. how?

i understand that i'm a fool. and i must admit it, in this case, i really am one..

~ personality check ~

"You are Orange Sheep,

who is quiet sort, and is a touchable person.

But you possess feminine attraction as well.

This may seem like flirting to fellow women,

and may be misunderstood by men.

You are a sociable,

but tend to keep a distance from people,

and will not show your real emotions and feelings easily.

Although you are modest,

you are a proud person as well.

You don't apologize or yield to things.

You have great tactics to make others take in your demand,

without them realizing taht they are doing so.

You are extremely good at negotiating and bargaining.

You tend to feel isolated,

and in order to overcome that loneliness,

you have lots of interests.

You have sharp eyes,

and can make your ideals come true by effectively adopting other people's expectations.

Although you lack leadership sort of action,

you have perseverance to take up any challenge.

You can also use money efficiently,

and therefore you are a shrewd shopper.

You are good at catching the heart of men.

You will be liked by different type of people.

But this may give them false idea,

and cause misunderstanding.

Although you may take men lightly,

once married,

you will become a devoted wife and a mother."

http://noracom.net/eng/fortune/color_cheki1.php

so is it true? well, the BGR part is a little wrong though.. the rest.. up to u guys to judge le..

finally finally, MOVIES UNDER THE STARS is over. the MUTS team has gone through all the planning, organising, and i must say: it is a successful event. i really cannot thank xiuwen enough for pulling so many ppl to join this event, and i'm kinda disappointed that the ppl i call friends aren't there to support me, and it is not just one or two, but the majority of my 'friends'. they say this is a time i can know who are the people that really supports me and stand by me.. and now i know, i have less than 20 odd friends. sad right? i'm glad that i have yixiu, sha and fagan to guide me along the project, telling me and reminding me of the things that i have to do.. love u guys..

this week, i've been feeling feverish and having backaches all day long.. even today when dealing with MUTS.. gosh, i think i'm falling sick soon... currently having a super major headache..

feeling super high and happy today.. finished CS test, econs portfolio, MUTS ended well, and i just love the atmosphere at the amphitheatre.. it's just so nice, that i can just imagine me in different scenes that i've always been dreaming of... the stars were nice, and when i looked at it, how i wish one of those stars will be mine...

thank you so much, i really appreciate the little moves that you did.. thanks for everything, thank you.

finally, i'm done with all presentations and major projects.. leaving me more time to think about things that i've been trying to avoid...

i realise that i'm back to the past, where i feel myself being a burden to others. just by my actions, explaining the reasons behind them to redeem myself seem to be a rather tough job for me... that's y i choose to just keep quiet..

i must admit, i treasure friendship alot, therefore taking almost every single thing that they say about me seriously. it might be a point for me to change for the better, or for me to think about. however, things said by some often hurt me without their knowledge.. i wun tell u that it hurts, cos i dun want another person to be unhappy, esp because of me..

now, i'm just super worried for movies under the stars... people that i thought would support me didn't, and on my side, response is not that good, worrying the hell out of me.. this project is xiuwen's, not mine. i played a part in helping her along the way, i dun want to see this project pulling her morale and confidence in handling projects down. she's really capable, so pls give her a chance to prove herself...

with eyes, we can choose to see what we want to see and what we dun. for example, if i dun like this person, i can pretend that she's not walking in front of me so that i dun have to talk to her. well, in this case, i'd rather be blind, for i will not be able to see people that makes me jealous and envious, and people that make me feeling so confused and happy and upset all at the same time. so, being blind is not a very bad thing actually..

tml's the city tour.. and mine's in the morning.. and i dun wanna go home before my work.. and sad to say, i can't find a friend, even a hi bye one to just hang out with me in the afternoon... just my affinity with people is really bad.. guess, i chose the wrong course.. tml, i'll be back to my lonely world..

dun worry, life is not that bad. as nic says, god is fair. and i choose to believe, for now..

it has been one week since i decided to give it up.. however the mind say to let go, the heart doesn't allow it to.. all i can say is that hopes are given and broken, but all memories will stay deep in my heart..

was really a pinch in my heart when i see the couples dining in waraku.. well.. i'm not envious, but happy for them...

projects has been driving me nuts.. multi tasking all the time.. making me superly exhausted.. plus the standing i have to do for open house on heels. all three days, i helped out at the chatroom. it's not a compulsory thing for me to be there all the time, but somehow the commitment level that i have to IG makes me wanna do it. the mind can't stop worrying about things if i'm not there..

speaking about the open house, i'm rather happy to be able to speak to juniors about my course. and also meeting people who are more enthusiastic about entering the course than i am being in this course. but i must say, this course brings me to a stage of my life where i've nv been through before.

and, i spoke to this gal who approached me, asking if i was in the banana club.. shocked and surprised, i asked her how she knows of it. and it so happens that she has the time in the world to look through her friend's friend's friend's friend's blog and read all the friend's blog that is linked to each other and read about it and went to find my friendster.. freaky that people will do such a thing but hey, banana club is famous!!

having fun is one thing, and being lonely is another.. looking at people with their partners, and looking at people with their best friend around them all the time, ya, i feel lonely. i certainly dun lack of friends, cos a lot of them say they are my friends, but i lack of a person who can be there for me almost everytime i need him or her to be there for me..

i've been feeling kinda in my own world this whole week.. i certainly hope it's not that something that is hindering me.. got my evaluation from my manager henny-san today... said that i'm ok in all aspect of the job, better than the gal that came in with me.. except the smiling part.. i know, in the service line, must always smile, cannot let personal matters affect mood... i know.. this is why i join HTM, to learn to smile..

i feel like a total idiot. walking around teh house, trying out all available coms and laptop to do my project and work. and that freakin rafflesian hogs on the good condition com playing his stupid game. immature. and i'm warning you again, STOP LOOKING DOWN ON ME!!!!!!!!! i've bear with you for a very very long time, and to think i care about you the most at home. asshole. i may be more stupid than you, more computer illiterate than you, but that doesn't give you a reason to dispise me, YOUR SISTER, you jerk@!!!

my back has been sprained for more than 2 weeks, i'm runnning a fever, i'm not feeling too good this week, but no one seem to care.. and you have to add on the problems to me. freak shit. no matter which position my body is in, my back will ache like shit. working is not s enjoyable anymore, having to bear the pain and do all the tough job, just because i'm of a bigger build.

stop making use of me, everyone. i'm really tired. i'm really disappointed that when i need someone to talk to or to console me, you are the first one to be the wet blanket, always, without fail.. i give up.

after 17 years of celebrating chinese new year, i think i can come to a conclusion: boring. it's the same procedure every year, doing the same thing, trying to be as poise, people trying to compare with each other behind their smile.. wad a hypocrite world.

i have a lot of things to do.. but i just dunno where to start from or when to set my mind to focus on the things that needs to be done.

my wishlist from very long time ago: LAPTOP. this is one thing that i've been yearning for, telling my mom about it to make her get the hint.although i offered to pay it all by myself thru instalment, it was still a no. i'm not trying to be greedy or anything, but i want to have a sense of belongingness. my whole room, practically less than 1/2 the things are mine. even the things i bring to sch, wear to sch... most of them are not mine.. somehow this might be the reason why i feel inferior to people. even people who seem less well off than me and said they wanna get something that's quite ex already got them all..

jealousy comes in again. it's funny how this word can actually spoil the friendship between people.

why is it that things are said at this point of time? it's good, i clear my misunderstanding towards certain people, got to know what certain people think of me.. but there are things that i just cannot say.. sorry... i feel guilty towards the both of you.. really sorry..

got to see another chinese family which is super different from mine.. why? why are people's family so cozy, so open and have freedom of speech, so warm, so understanding.. i really felt like crying on the car.. can someone just enlighten me on the importance of family? somehow the feeling is just not the same.. i want to feel not lonely, i dun wan to be a scary person, i want to be happy.. can u help me?

sometimes things just doesn't go our way, however hard we try to change things.. pretty glad that there might be a little improvement to this matter, and that the feeling is moving..

felt kinda helpless looking at things happening and me not being able to help.. i seriously dunno wad i can do to improve the situation.. you are not sharing ur problems with me, indulging yourself in drunkness, making a mess out of ur life..

do all who are of our age undergo such a tough time of our lives? Olympics allowed me to control my temper, allow more people to know me, broadening my circle of friends, thus achieving the purpose of being in the IG, to make friends. i'm sorry to all that i've hurt, i'm sorry..

i'm not sure since when but i've been feeling extraordinarily tired these few days.. packed with IG commitments, projects, work.. gosh.. last but not least, brain packed with that stupid matter that has been bothering me since last year..

nicholas suddenly becamemy consultant, and i'm thankful for him. thanx for being there when i need someone to give me advice on certain matters... and thanx xiu for being my listening ear, willing to spend time with me and hear me talk things out...

olympics was great.. really din expect to see someone close to me get hurt in front of me.. feeling really guilty that the first thing on my mind wasn't whether u were alright or not.. i'm so sorry..

being misunderstood really sucks.. esp when here i am trying to create a good impression of myself, there you are rubbing my wound on my heart... it hurts.. it really hurts...

being a first aider in sec and pri sch is really different from being a first aider in poly.. in my junior years, people tend to listen to me, watch me attend to the person, as i have the knowledge to all these... however here, i'm currently under a seriously huge amount of pressure. people who hold superior roles giving instructions who to attend to, how to apply the medication, plus with the limitation of supply and with only one of me.. i'm expected to be there immediately someone gets injured or got kicked or got cramp or some things that i can do nothing about. instead of helping, some where making fun of the fact that i'm so busy with my job, asking how was business, laughing when someone got injured, happily shouting for medic medic..

if u think it's an easy job, would u like to take over me? i'll gladly give up my only worth of value in the IG to u and let u be in charge of everything and everything.. u want it, u get it. you want him, u get him. is god really fair?? please be my judge and tell me your verdict...

pressing for time, so god, please allow time to move slower... so that i can slow down the time left to the day that i decides to give up...

just earlier today i was having fun with kai and joey.. but now... i feel so lonely, so restless.. my heart seem to have something pressing on it.. but i can't figure out what is it..

tml's my dad's birthday.. and he'll not be in singapore for us to celebrate for him... perhaps that's why i'm feeling so moody and sad?? just send my papa an sms.. it's a poem written by my mom to my dad for his brithday..

kinda fed up with the way some people do things... why can't they just keep their promise or set their priorities accordingly? if u promise to do something today, do it. i dun like it when they last minute tell me they have to attend something that i feel is minor that could be done at other times... fed up.. that's one reason why i'd rather do things myself.. rather than wait for others to find time to do things with me.. task that i can easily settle myself... fine.. i'm not in charge.. and i shall not be kaypoh.. so.. i shall wash my hands off it?? irony of life...

papa.. happy birthday!! (it's 12.37am, 27th jan 2005)

this is not good.. feeling frustrated at things that i should have already been used to long long time ago... wad is wrong with her?? if you wanna go have the operation, so be it. dun make it sound like the whole world should know that u are going for an op and expect people to be overly concern for you. this is singapore. concerns are not openly shown. so just shut up.

i was beginning to have more self confidence.. but darn, must you just tear me apart??? telling your own daughter that stupidity can always be found on me... sure.. of course.. i have to admit it.. afterall.. who knows me better than the woman who have me in her womb for 9 months right??

this year.. i'm so busy that i even forgot that dad's birthday is on IG meeting day. i actually FORGOT. feeling so guilty.. esp. after shawn and i 'analysize' that i am most prob the one that dad dotes on the most... although it is not said, it is shown...

for this holiday, i purposely plan everyday to be busy so as to not have any free time to spend with my family.. i dun feel the belongingness anymore.. plus after wad happened today, it makes me want to move out asap even more... and i believe that i can support myself even from now on. this is not a home. it is a place of shelter for me...

chatted with yixiu last night cum morning and it feels great to have someone to listen to wad i have to say about certain matters... i guess so far she seems to be the only one that can understand me and the only one that i can open up to without fear... thanx dear...

i've decided to let go of this matter that has been bothering me since last year... it doesn't seem to go anywhere and nothing is progressing... although actions made will put a smile to my face.. i'm afraid things have to go when it's time to go...

after 2 years of not running at all (i take my time in walking), i ran for close to 3 hrs plus today, causing me to have a muscle pulled and cramp on both legs consecutively, but still have to bear with the pain and the gastric to not pull the group back and cause disturbance to the smooth-flowing game of STUMPED. almost slipped and fall.. almost sprained my back.. all the almost that can happen, happened. hopefully my legs wouldn't wobble while working tml.. and that my legs are strong enough to carry me to my workplace...

kinda irritated at some people and some things that they do.. you know me, so dun mess with me when u know u shouldn't be. considering the attitude i have for life(presenting myself to be happy to influence people to be happy), it's really unlikely for me to get mad at you or irritated, unless it's something that you know i'd nv like to happen.

just put down the phone to the conversation with yixiu.. really nice to have someone like her for me to talk to and seek advice and comments from.. i trust you, for you are one that allows me to trust wholeheartedly.

i put people in front of myself. that's me. dun try to change me. dun. this, i can nv ever change, becos my concern is in you, my friends..

exactly one week since my last post. last week was still me and my confused mind. and i was super irritated at some people that i thought would understand me.. irritated at the things they do to me.. why can't they understand? nvm...

lunch at saffron with marc, brian, karin and jasmine was great.. got to try saffron food for the first time and with such great company.. now i'm looking forward to the lunch at saffron with yixiu and all after school reopens...

dad came home on friday and left again today... was very touched and happy to have him fetch me to school on monday.. had a family homecooked lunch on sunday, after the springcleaning of the house... clean freak she is...

this period of mid sem test i can confidently say is the best time that i've ever had so far in this year... wanted to study alone early in school yesterday.. but ended up studying with alex, kai, terrence, nicholas and gavin.. yes.. 5 hospi guys and a hospi gal... and now, we seem to form a study group.. meeting up every morning before the paper to do last min studying... today however was not as productive as yesterday due to the content of the subject plus the distraction, talking about soccer and boxing and F1 and food.. yes.. guys' topics... and the 6 of us has formed the banana group.. =) looks like i should be honoured to be the only gal in this group!! mood has been lifted up by this group of guys and thanx to them.. i'm walking out of my sorrows.. i'll try harder.. and harder.. till i can confidently say "hi, i'm jovi".

P.S. today is jay chou's birthday!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

the rate of my heartbeat has been fluctuating quite badly these few days.. dunno wad's wrong with me and all.. gets irritated and jealous and fed up easily.. perhaps that's why i'm quite moody these days.. with loads of things occupying my mind..

things are piling up, and making me stress.. worsening the bad state of my mind.. i dunno wad to do with things.. it's not like i can help it so but.. i just need guidance...

looking forward to having luch with jas and karin on thursday.. not very common to be eating with the both of them.. but fresh for a change.. maybe that's wad i need. a change of life..